Why perfectionism could be holding you back, with Dr Julie Smith (E219)

This episode is a fascinating conversation about self-worth, perspective, and the power of saying no.

Dr. Julie Smith is a highly regarded clinical psychologist known for her compassionate approach to mental health care and expertise in cognitive-behavioral therapy.

With over two decades of experience, she has positively impacted the lives of countless individuals by helping them navigate the complexities of their emotional well-being.

In this episode, Dr Julie discusses how our choices today can lead to a better tomorrow, finding merit in balance throughout life, and focusing on what matters to us individuals. She explores how self worth is not based on what others think, but what we truly value.

Having worked with some of the most successful people, Dr Julie explains how many of these individuals have had some of the deepest struggles. She unravels our ‘unmet needs’ with Jake and Damian: love, belonging, and safety - and how in adulthood we can reflect on these to give perspective on day-to-day life.

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# Podcast Episode Summary: The Power of Self-Worth and Saying No

**Key Points:**

- Our self-worth should not be based on others' opinions but on what we truly value.
- High performance often involves sacrifice and can come at a personal cost.
- It's important to make informed choices about our goals and to consider the potential impact on our well-being.
- The "104-year-old exercise" can help us reflect on our choices and make decisions that align with our long-term values.
- Unmet needs in childhood can lead to destructive behaviors in adulthood.
- Perfectionism can be a barrier to high performance and can lead to self-loathing.
- Self-compassion is essential for resilience and personal growth.

**Insights:**

- High performance is not just about achieving success but also about living a balanced and fulfilling life.
- Making good enough decisions is often better than striving for perfection.
- Being kind to ourselves, even in the face of failure, is crucial for maintaining motivation and drive.

**Controversies:**

- The debate over whether self-compassion can lead to complacency and a lack of motivation.
- The role of sacrifice and personal cost in achieving high performance.

**Overall Message:**

The pursuit of high performance should be guided by self-awareness, balance, and a focus on what truly matters to us. By embracing self-compassion and making informed choices, we can achieve our goals without compromising our well-being.

In this podcast episode, Dr. Julie Smith, a highly regarded clinical psychologist, engages in a compelling conversation about self-worth, perspective, and the transformative power of saying no. Dr. Smith emphasizes the importance of making choices today that lead to a better tomorrow and highlights the value of balance and prioritizing what truly matters in life. She challenges the notion that self-worth is dependent on external validation, advocating instead for self-validation based on personal values.

Dr. Smith draws upon her experiences working with successful individuals, revealing that many of them have faced profound struggles. She delves into the concept of unmet needs, particularly love, belonging, and safety, and explains how reflecting on these needs in adulthood can provide perspective on daily life.

Dr. Smith's journey from private practice to public advocacy is also explored. She candidly shares her initial reluctance to step into the public sphere, citing her introverted nature and discomfort with seeking attention. However, driven by a desire to make psychological education more accessible, she embarked on creating short-form educational videos. Despite initial self-doubt, the overwhelmingly positive feedback from viewers motivated her to continue.

The discussion also addresses the human tendency to focus on negative feedback, a cognitive bias known as the mental filter. Dr. Smith emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in recognizing and challenging biased thoughts, particularly those that reinforce negative self-beliefs. She suggests keeping a diary to track thoughts and identify biases, eventually leading to the ability to recognize them in the moment.

The episode concludes with a reminder that high performance is unique to each individual and encourages listeners to pursue their own version of success.