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Notes
Our special guest this week is Mel Robbins. A best-selling author, tv host and motivational speaker. Mel’s books' include global phenomenon ‘The 5 Second Rule’ and her latest is called ‘The High 5 Habit’; a simple, proven tool you can use to take control of your life.
Mel is one of the most widely booked and followed public speakers in the world. Her social media platforms inspire more than 60 million people every month and her TEDx Talk is one of the most popular of all time, with more than 25 million views.
Mel’s latest book ‘The High Five Habit’ is available now!
There are a few tickets left for the book tour! Join us in Bristol (14th December) to have a chat and get a signed copy 👉https://bit.ly/HPPlive
Thank you to our founding partner Lotus Cars who are back for the new series! Lotus we love you, and wouldn’t be here without you! Check them out at lotuscars.com
Thanks also to GIVEMESPORT - the exclusive sports partner of the High Performance Podcast. To gain further access to editorial and social content from the Podcast click here https://www.givemesport.com/podcast
[00:00.000 -> 00:06.340] Hi there, welcome along to the second episode of the brand new series of the high performance [00:06.340 -> 00:07.340] podcast. [00:07.340 -> 00:13.160] Once again, thank you to the tens of thousands of people who listened to episode one. [00:13.160 -> 00:15.320] The amazing reaction that we've had. [00:15.320 -> 00:20.160] It's been brilliant to be back and to see the kind of impact it's having in your lives. [00:20.160 -> 00:23.640] And before we get going with today's episode, I just want to remind you that we have a book [00:23.640 -> 00:26.060] coming out and I thought it'd be quite cool for Damien just to [00:26.280 -> 00:33.340] Read us a little extract from the book because I don't want you to think that it's just us rehashing interviews on the podcast [00:33.340 -> 00:36.780] It's so much more than just that and we've got things called high-performance pit stops [00:36.780 -> 00:43.060] Which is where we ask you to stop take a breath have some learning change the way you operate and we thought one of the good [00:43.060 -> 00:44.580] ways of [00:44.580 -> 00:48.120] Having those pit stops was to share stories really from our own career so [00:48.120 -> 00:53.400] this is Damien sharing his own story of what life was like in the Scotland [00:53.400 -> 00:58.480] dressing room after a particularly difficult afternoon. Have a listen. [00:58.480 -> 01:03.880] High-performance pit stop. How to take control. I've seen a few demoralized [01:03.880 -> 01:06.400] sports people over the years, but I can't [01:06.400 -> 01:11.560] recall a bleaker atmosphere than the away team dressing room at Twickenham at half [01:11.560 -> 01:17.800] time on the evening of the 16th March 2019. I had worked with the Scottish national rugby [01:17.800 -> 01:23.880] team for four years, and this match was one of the worst I'd seen. The team, traipsed [01:23.880 -> 01:25.000] off the field in the midst of a hiding by an energetic England team in front of their oedd un o'r pethau pwysicaf ydyn nhw wedi'i weld. Roedd y tîm yn traipio allan y ffyrdd yn y mhobl [01:25.000 -> 01:30.000] o'r cofnod, gan dîm England yn energetig yn ymhell y gweithwyr eu tu ôl. [01:30.000 -> 01:35.000] Y sgôr, yn eich gweld yn dda drwy eich ffingurau, oedd y llwyddiant fwyaf o England [01:35.000 -> 01:41.000] yn y pêl chwarae yng Nghymru a Lloegr, 31-7. Roedd y pêlwyr yng Nghymru yn edrych fel [01:41.000 -> 01:46.400] oeddent yn ymddygiad. Ar y bryd, wrth i'r meddwyr a'r fffysio'n ymgyrchu eu cyflawni a'u brwysau, roeddwn yn [01:46.400 -> 01:51.200] mwy o bryderu am y llwybrau mentale'r llynedd y byddai'r ymdrech yn ei ddangos. Ar y 40 munudau [01:51.200 -> 01:56.480] cynnwys, roedd y tîm yn eitha' i fod eu hyder yn ddysgwylio. [01:56.480 -> 02:02.960] Roedd y cyfweliadwr, Gregor Townsend, yn ffurios. Mae'r gwybodaethau sylfaenol, sy'n dweud yn ddiddorol [02:02.960 -> 02:06.000] ar gyfer y wythnos cynnwys, yn estod y dydd, yn ystod y dydd, [02:06.000 -> 02:08.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:08.000 -> 02:10.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:10.000 -> 02:12.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:12.000 -> 02:14.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:14.000 -> 02:16.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:16.000 -> 02:18.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:18.000 -> 02:20.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:20.000 -> 02:22.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:22.000 -> 02:24.000] yn ystod y dydd, [02:24.000 -> 02:48.200] yn ystod y dydd,ud ymwneud â'r cyfleaniad, a dweud, ddweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud,drechion a'r cydweithio'n gyd. Gwneud hynny, aethon ni'r stadion hwn gyda'n oedrau ar ei gynllun. [02:48.200 -> 02:52.480] Ar ôl y sgwrs Townsend, rwy'n gweld y tîm yn ceisio'n gyffrous ar y [02:52.480 -> 02:59.080] meddwlau sy'n cael eu cymryd a'n ymddangos yn anhygoel i ddod o gwbl. [02:59.080 -> 03:06.240] Cynhyrchudd y Sgotland un o'r rhain o'r rhain cyflawni'r ddegau cyfan yn y diwrnod rygbi, gan gael cymorth o ffwrdd i ddod â'r gêm 38 i gyd, [03:06.880 -> 03:09.600] yn y broses, gan gael y Cwp Calcutta. [03:10.960 -> 03:17.200] Mae'n ddysgu i mi ddysgu pwysig am ymddygiad, neu, yn fwy, am ymddygiad. [03:18.240 -> 03:30.480] Pan fyddwch chi'n teimlo'n ymddygiadol, gallai'n helpu i ddod â ar y pethau sydd yn eich dde. Mae stori, efallai apograffol, am Winston Churchill, ynglyn â'i ddweud, yn gwneud dwy [03:30.480 -> 03:31.480] llysiau. [03:31.480 -> 03:36.280] Llysiau o'r pethau y gallwch chi wneud rhywbeth amdano, ac llysiau o'r pethau y gallwch chi ddim [03:36.280 -> 03:37.280] wneud rhywbeth amdano. [03:37.280 -> 03:42.080] Dwy rhywbeth am y pethau y gallwch chi wneud rhywbeth amdano, ac yna mynd i'r gofyn, [03:42.080 -> 03:44.240] dweud. [03:44.240 -> 04:06.640] Dyma beth oedd Tom Daly yn ei wneud pan oedd yn ymwneud â'r Olympiadau, ac roedd hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn yw'r hyn y So that is a short extract from High Performance, lessons from the best on becoming your best. You can order it right now by hitting the link [04:06.640 -> 04:08.240] in the description to this podcast. [04:08.240 -> 04:11.920] At waterstones.com you can get yourself a signed copy. [04:11.920 -> 04:15.280] And we're also gonna be doing a live show in Bristol [04:15.280 -> 04:16.600] on the 14th of December, [04:16.600 -> 04:18.140] so if you wanna come along to that, [04:18.140 -> 04:20.960] you can also hit the link in the description to the pod [04:20.960 -> 04:22.860] and get tickets for that as well. [04:22.860 -> 04:23.720] But let's get on with it then. [04:23.720 -> 04:30.020] It's time for the second episode. Oh, you you gonna love this one? Here is what you can expect from the high performance podcast today [04:30.560 -> 04:35.040] You're finally coming back to who you fundamentally are because as a kid [04:35.280 -> 04:39.360] You didn't lay in front of a mirror and criticize your face or your chubby thighs [04:39.520 -> 04:46.600] You literally crawled up to it and kissed yourself used to spin to spin in front of it. You used to dance when the music came on. [04:46.600 -> 04:51.280] Life taught you to criticize and ignore yourself. [04:51.280 -> 04:56.800] If you long to feel happier, if you wish you were content, if you wish you could stop focusing [04:56.800 -> 05:01.240] on the things that are going wrong, if you wish you could forgive yourself for stuff [05:01.240 -> 05:04.640] the way that you can forgive everybody else, if you wish you weren't so bloody hard on [05:04.640 -> 05:05.360] yourself, you better sit up and pay attention to what I'm about to tell you because this Forgive yourself for stuff the way that you can forgive everybody else if you wish you weren't so bloody hard on yourself [05:09.280 -> 05:10.640] You better sit up and pay attention to what i'm about to tell you because this shit is real [05:12.640 -> 05:12.800] What i'm about to tell you [05:18.160 -> 05:18.880] Is the single most powerful thing I have ever discovered in my entire life [05:24.240 -> 05:25.120] Oh, she was so good. I can't wait for you to hear the rest of this conversation. Today's episode comes next. [05:29.520 -> 05:35.520] Before we get going, a quick shout out to Lotus Cars, our founding partner who've been with us from day one on the High Performance Podcast and things are getting excited at Lotus. Their [05:35.520 -> 05:40.640] journey to becoming a fully electric car manufacturer is moving forwards in leaps and [05:40.640 -> 05:45.580] bounds. What they've actually released this week is their new lightweight [05:45.580 -> 05:49.440] electric vehicle chassis. Now it's one chassis that can support all kinds of different vehicles [05:49.440 -> 05:53.760] going forward, so it could be a two or four seater, different wheelbases, different battery [05:53.760 -> 05:58.920] sizes, different layouts. And they've actually said that already the chassis they've created [05:58.920 -> 06:06.840] in partnership with Brunel University is 37% lighter than it is on the Lotus Amira V6 which is their 60k [06:06.840 -> 06:10.840] sports car which is going to be released when it's out now I guess but you can [06:10.840 -> 06:15.080] get your hands on them from 2022 onwards and what I love about this is that it [06:15.080 -> 06:18.600] was Colin Chapman right at the very beginning of Lotus who said you can add [06:18.600 -> 06:21.960] more power which makes you faster on the straights or you can make a car lighter [06:21.960 -> 06:26.840] which makes you faster everywhere so I love that all these years later Lotus are still fully focused on [06:26.840 -> 06:33.400] lightness and being lithe and being brilliantly designed. So very exciting [06:33.400 -> 06:37.200] times at Lotus. Thank you Lotus for being there with us from the very start as our [06:37.200 -> 06:42.360] founding partners and to find out more just go to lotuscars.com. [06:42.360 -> 06:48.640] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns. [06:48.640 -> 06:54.360] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B, and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either. [06:54.360 -> 06:58.440] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads. [06:58.440 -> 07:02.400] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional [07:02.400 -> 07:03.400] audience. [07:03.400 -> 07:07.440] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place. [07:07.440 -> 07:12.880] All the big wigs, then medium wigs, also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs. [07:12.880 -> 07:14.960] Okay, that's enough about wigs. [07:14.960 -> 07:19.400] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people. [07:19.400 -> 07:24.560] So does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest [07:24.560 -> 07:26.040] voice in the world? [07:26.040 -> 07:27.040] Yes. [07:27.040 -> 07:28.140] Yes, it does. [07:28.140 -> 07:32.660] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be. [07:32.660 -> 07:35.920] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. [07:35.920 -> 07:39.140] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. [07:39.140 -> 07:41.520] That's LinkedIn.com slash results. [07:41.520 -> 07:43.360] Terms and conditions apply. [07:43.360 -> 07:49.680] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way so you [07:49.680 -> 07:54.980] can live a better life and that's why when I found Mint Mobile I had to share. So Mint [07:54.980 -> 07:59.640] Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells their phone [07:59.640 -> 08:09.240] plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a limited time they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to [08:09.240 -> 08:14.520] $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan. That's unlimited talk, [08:14.520 -> 08:21.720] text and data for $15 a month. And by the way the quality of Mint Mobile's [08:21.720 -> 08:30.920] wireless service in comparison to providers that we've worked with before is incredible. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans [08:30.920 -> 08:36.280] for $15 a month. So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans, those jaw-dropping monthly [08:36.280 -> 08:40.840] bills, those unexpected overages, because all the plans come with unlimited talk and [08:40.840 -> 08:45.920] text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. [08:45.920 -> 08:50.420] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan, bring your phone number along with all your [08:50.420 -> 08:51.960] existing contacts. [08:51.960 -> 08:56.580] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless [08:56.580 -> 08:59.540] service for just $15 a month. [08:59.540 -> 09:04.440] To get this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 [09:04.440 -> 09:12.020] a month go to mintmobile.com slash HPP that's mintmobile.com slash HPP cut your [09:12.020 -> 09:18.240] wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash HPP additional taxes [09:18.240 -> 09:23.240] fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details [09:22.000 -> 09:31.280] for details. Okay, I'm not sure how we've done it people, but today we've managed to book one of the [09:31.280 -> 09:35.840] most popular motivational speakers in the world. Millions and millions of people have [09:35.840 -> 09:40.360] been impacted by her passion and her desire for helping and improving other people. From [09:40.360 -> 09:48.200] her online courses, to her numerous audio books, to one of my go-to reads the five-second rule to the daily post that she puts on her Instagram, you need to [09:48.200 -> 09:51.880] follow her. Every morning when I wake up I look to the left and my wife is there [09:51.880 -> 09:57.280] she says I'm just seeing what Mel's put up overnight. Look she truly believes [09:57.280 -> 10:01.320] that you and I am talking to you right now the person listening to this she [10:01.320 -> 10:09.740] believes that you deserve to feel valued and the biggest lesson of all is it actually starts with you. Her new book is the [10:09.740 -> 10:14.220] High Five Habit. It's an absolute honor to welcome to High Performance, Mel Robbins. [10:14.220 -> 10:16.180] Mel, thank you very much for making the time. [10:16.180 -> 10:20.220] Oh, well thank you and I should probably thank your wife for being a fan since [10:20.220 -> 10:23.540] that's how you likely found me. [10:23.540 -> 10:28.560] Well I introduced her, so there you go. [10:28.560 -> 10:30.440] Let's get straight into it, Mel. [10:30.440 -> 10:34.380] To you, what represents high performance? [10:34.380 -> 10:39.080] Doing what you said you would do, [10:39.080 -> 10:41.200] even when you don't feel like it. [10:41.200 -> 10:42.960] How often do you not feel like it? [10:42.960 -> 10:44.800] Every second of every day. [10:44.800 -> 10:45.220] Really? [10:45.220 -> 10:48.880] Because I think a lot of people feel that someone like you, who to the [10:48.880 -> 10:52.560] external world has found her passion and it's hugely successful and everything [10:52.560 -> 10:56.200] she touches seems to be great, she always has a smile on her face. I suppose we [10:56.200 -> 11:00.120] would imagine that you would never feel like that. I always feel like that but [11:00.120 -> 11:03.880] see I know the secret to high performance, it's it's not expecting to [11:03.880 -> 11:05.120] feel motivated. [11:05.120 -> 11:08.660] It's realizing that there will always be resistance. [11:08.660 -> 11:10.040] There will always be fear. [11:10.040 -> 11:12.040] There will always be a moment of anxiety, [11:12.040 -> 11:14.520] particularly in those moments [11:14.520 -> 11:16.040] when you're doing something new [11:16.040 -> 11:18.240] or you're uncertain about how it's gonna go. [11:18.240 -> 11:22.300] And the secret is always just pushing through [11:22.300 -> 11:23.680] that temporary moment. [11:23.680 -> 11:27.340] And I think it's important for everybody to know [11:27.340 -> 11:32.340] that I invented the five second rule by sheer luck [11:32.400 -> 11:36.720] during one of the worst moments of my life 13 years ago. [11:36.720 -> 11:40.480] It was a Tuesday morning in February, 2008, [11:40.480 -> 11:43.140] outside of Boston, Massachusetts. [11:43.140 -> 11:48.140] 13 years later, I still have to use the five second rule, [11:48.860 -> 11:50.360] five, four, three, two, one, [11:50.360 -> 11:53.540] to drag my ass out of bed every morning. [11:53.540 -> 11:55.640] You know, I know that habit research suggests [11:55.640 -> 11:59.300] that anywhere from 21 days to 67 days [11:59.300 -> 12:02.920] of repeating a behavior will carve the new neural pathways [12:02.920 -> 12:05.960] in your mind and make it a subconscious habit. [12:05.960 -> 12:08.720] I think that's only true if you like doing the thing. [12:08.720 -> 12:10.640] I think that you need to know that there are gonna be [12:10.640 -> 12:13.840] some things in your life that you will never like doing [12:13.840 -> 12:15.760] that will never become second nature. [12:15.760 -> 12:19.120] And getting out of bed is one of those things for me. [12:19.120 -> 12:21.880] So can I take you onto your new book then Mel? [12:21.880 -> 12:24.480] Because I've read it and I really enjoyed it. [12:24.480 -> 12:45.040] So the high five habit, but I'll be honest with you that when I first started reading it, Ie, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gyd, in gw i chi'n deall, fel ddweudwr cymorth, yw'n gallu dweud, [12:45.040 -> 12:46.560] wel, dydych chi ddim yn gallu cymorthu i mi, [12:46.560 -> 12:49.360] ac mae gennych y math o ddewis cynigol. [12:49.360 -> 12:51.520] Ond mae rhai ymchwilau yn ffasyniadol [12:51.520 -> 12:53.160] y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud ar ôl ymweld â'ch llyfr, [12:53.160 -> 12:54.720] fel y peth rwy'n mwynhau yw [12:54.720 -> 12:58.160] y dywedwch am sut mae'r gwybodaeth cymorth [12:58.160 -> 13:00.080] o'r cymdeithasau o'r cymdeithasau o'r cymdeithasau o'r cwmniau o bêl-rhyngwraidd [13:00.080 -> 13:01.640] yn rhoi mwy o hyffyddau [13:01.640 -> 13:04.080] na'r pethau mwy cyflog. [13:04.080 -> 13:07.080] A oes gennych chi ddweud y cymdeithasau i ni, ac roeddwch ni ddewis rhywfaint o syniad give more high fives than the least successful ones. Would you just answer the cynics for us [13:07.080 -> 13:10.400] and give us a reason why we should overcome our cynicism [13:10.400 -> 13:12.320] and really start to listen to your message [13:12.320 -> 13:13.880] of the high five habit [13:13.880 -> 13:18.360] and why it can lead to high performance in our own lives? [13:18.360 -> 13:21.400] Well, my message to the cynic is don't, don't do it. [13:22.400 -> 13:24.000] How's cynicism working for you? [13:24.880 -> 13:25.060] Like, what have you got to lose? Don't, don't do it. How's cynicism working for you? [13:26.960 -> 13:31.020] Like, what have you got to lose? Seriously, what if this is actually the secret? [13:31.840 -> 13:34.760] Like how hard is it honestly to stand in your knickers [13:34.760 -> 13:38.160] in front of a bathroom mirror and raise your hand? [13:38.160 -> 13:40.460] And let me tell you something about the cynicism [13:40.460 -> 13:43.580] and the resistance and all the crap that you're gonna feel. [13:43.580 -> 13:45.420] There's a couple things that are gonna happen [13:45.420 -> 13:46.920] when you try this. [13:46.920 -> 13:49.380] First of all, to the cynic, I'm gonna tell you, [13:49.380 -> 13:54.380] it would be a huge mistake to let pessimism and cynicism [13:55.160 -> 13:58.480] keep you from trying something [13:58.480 -> 14:01.360] that sounds too good to be true. [14:01.360 -> 14:03.560] What I'm about to tell you [14:03.560 -> 14:07.120] is the single most powerful thing I have ever discovered [14:07.120 -> 14:15.200] in my entire life. And my passion about this topic is not coming from the fact that I want you to buy [14:15.200 -> 14:20.480] the book. Don't buy the book. You don't need to. I put all the content out for free anyway. [14:20.480 -> 14:27.780] My passion comes from the fact that I know that this habit will crack you open [14:27.780 -> 14:39.340] in a way that you need, and it will reintroduce you to the most important force on the planet, [14:39.340 -> 14:45.000] and that is belief and support and validation of yourself. [14:46.320 -> 14:48.600] Life is what turned you into a cynic. [14:48.600 -> 14:50.600] You were not born that way. [14:50.600 -> 14:53.280] And so what I'm here to tell you, [14:53.280 -> 14:56.160] and I'm standing not only on my own experience, [14:56.160 -> 15:00.340] but on the experience now of hundreds of thousands of people [15:00.340 -> 15:03.800] and the validation of the world's leading scientists, [15:03.800 -> 15:05.480] I know that this sounds dumb. I know that this sounds dumb. [15:05.480 -> 15:07.280] I know that this is cheesy. [15:07.280 -> 15:10.720] And I am telling you, if you take this on, [15:10.720 -> 15:12.400] just do it five days in a row, [15:12.400 -> 15:15.400] something profound is going to happen. [15:15.400 -> 15:18.780] What you're going to realize at the deepest level [15:18.780 -> 15:21.640] is there is a fucking human being [15:21.640 -> 15:25.640] that stands in that mirror with you every single morning and you have been [15:25.640 -> 15:28.460] criticizing and ignoring them. [15:28.460 -> 15:33.120] And the moment that you wake up and you realize that every single morning there is another, [15:33.120 -> 15:38.620] there's a human being that looks at you that needs you, that wants you to pay attention, [15:38.620 -> 15:42.900] that needs your support and love, and you have abandoned them, you've criticized them, [15:42.900 -> 15:47.080] you've beaten them down, and the second that you change your relationship [15:47.080 -> 15:49.760] with the person that stares back at you in the mirror, [15:49.760 -> 15:51.920] your whole life changes because your relationship [15:51.920 -> 15:54.760] with yourself is the foundation of everything. [15:54.760 -> 15:56.320] And so let me tell you though, [15:56.320 -> 15:58.240] the story of how I discovered this, [15:58.240 -> 16:01.860] because when I start to unpack the layers and layers [16:01.860 -> 16:07.000] and layers of what is happening, this is foundational. [16:07.000 -> 16:09.520] It's foundational to your experience, [16:09.520 -> 16:11.280] to your fulfillment, to your happiness, [16:11.280 -> 16:13.800] to your confidence, to all of it. [16:13.800 -> 16:15.260] And so I'm here to tell you, [16:15.260 -> 16:17.960] if cynicism works for you, keep doing it. [16:17.960 -> 16:18.880] Don't even try this. [16:18.880 -> 16:20.880] Stop listening to us right now. [16:20.880 -> 16:22.740] But if you want something more, [16:22.740 -> 16:24.680] if you long to feel happier, [16:24.680 -> 16:26.560] if you wish you were content, if you wish you were content, [16:26.560 -> 16:31.120] if you wish you could stop focusing on the things that are going wrong, if you wish you [16:31.120 -> 16:34.820] could forgive yourself for stuff the way that you can forgive everybody else, if you wish [16:34.820 -> 16:38.720] you weren't so bloody hard on yourself, you better sit up and pay attention to what I'm [16:38.720 -> 16:41.480] about to tell you because this shit is real. [16:41.480 -> 16:46.700] So it was April of 2020, I woke up, you don't even need to know the backstory. [16:46.700 -> 16:49.840] And I just felt overwhelmed by my life. [16:49.840 -> 16:51.900] I felt defeated. [16:51.900 -> 16:54.960] I felt like the list of stuff that was on my shoulders [16:54.960 -> 16:56.600] between the business I was running, [16:56.600 -> 16:59.680] the employees that I have, the people I take care of, [16:59.680 -> 17:03.000] the kids that my husband and I have that were in breakdown, [17:03.000 -> 17:04.880] just everything was weighing on me. [17:04.880 -> 17:06.400] And I know we all know that feeling. [17:06.400 -> 17:08.280] You wake up, you stare at the ceiling, [17:08.280 -> 17:10.180] you feel like the fear and the overwhelm [17:10.180 -> 17:13.420] is a gravity blanket pinning you to the bed. [17:13.420 -> 17:16.080] I use the five second rule, five, four, three, two, one. [17:16.080 -> 17:18.840] I get out of bed, I always make my bed. [17:18.840 -> 17:22.100] That morning I made it so I wouldn't crawl back into it. [17:22.100 -> 17:24.720] I then start dragging myself to the bathroom. [17:24.720 -> 17:29.280] I'm standing in the bathroom in my underwear, brushing my teeth like every other morning. [17:30.000 -> 17:34.960] And all of a sudden, you guys, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. [17:35.840 -> 17:46.520] And I think, oh my God, you look like hell. And the woman I saw standing in the mirror did. [17:46.520 -> 17:47.880] She looked exhausted. [17:48.760 -> 17:49.720] She looked tired. [17:49.720 -> 17:50.960] She looked stressed. [17:51.880 -> 17:54.160] I actually felt sad for her. [17:54.160 -> 17:56.640] And then out of habit, I started picking her apart. [17:56.640 -> 17:59.380] The dark circles under her eyes, the saggy neck, [17:59.380 -> 18:01.760] one boob is hanging lower than the other. [18:01.760 -> 18:04.560] And then of course, once you start picking yourself apart, [18:04.560 -> 18:06.040] your thoughts only go more negative. [18:06.040 -> 18:08.320] So then I start like thinking about the day ahead [18:08.320 -> 18:09.440] and it wasn't optimistic. [18:09.440 -> 18:11.360] It was like, why did I get up so late? [18:11.360 -> 18:13.840] And I got eight minutes before the Zoom call starts [18:13.840 -> 18:15.600] and shit, there's a dog and he's walking. [18:15.600 -> 18:17.040] I haven't even walked the dog yet. [18:17.040 -> 18:19.280] I did not respond to those text messages. [18:19.280 -> 18:21.600] So now I'm like doing the beat down. [18:21.600 -> 18:23.600] And here's the interesting thing. [18:23.600 -> 18:26.040] If either one of you guys had walked into the bathroom [18:26.040 -> 18:29.080] that morning, I would have spun on a dime. [18:29.080 -> 18:32.320] I would have been like, Damien, Jake, oh, come on guys. [18:32.320 -> 18:33.800] Yes, this sucks. [18:33.800 -> 18:35.800] Yeah, this is hard right now. [18:35.800 -> 18:37.920] Yeah, you don't deserve this. [18:37.920 -> 18:38.920] But you know what? [18:38.920 -> 18:41.240] If anybody can figure it out, you can. [18:41.240 -> 18:43.400] Come on, come on, you got this. [18:43.400 -> 18:45.400] Get your ass back out there suck it up like [18:45.400 -> 18:50.200] I would have been able to lift you up but standing there alone in my bathroom [18:50.200 -> 18:55.400] and my underwear I actually couldn't think of anything to say and honestly I [18:55.400 -> 19:02.040] don't think I would have believed it because it's not how I felt and I don't [19:02.040 -> 19:07.120] know what came over me because I'm you you know, look, I'm kind of a cynical person. [19:07.120 -> 19:09.240] I'm not like all woo woo, like, you know, [19:09.240 -> 19:10.480] a lot of people are. [19:10.480 -> 19:13.560] I like science, but this sounds so dumb. [19:13.560 -> 19:16.240] I literally don't know what came over me. [19:16.240 -> 19:17.680] But standing there in my underwear, [19:17.680 -> 19:19.480] I didn't even have a bra on for God's sakes. [19:19.480 -> 19:23.000] I literally raised my hand [19:23.000 -> 19:27.800] and I high-fived the woman in the mirror because she needed [19:27.800 -> 19:28.800] it. [19:28.800 -> 19:31.840] And look, it's not like lightning struck. [19:31.840 -> 19:35.800] I literally just felt like something small shift inside me. [19:35.800 -> 19:36.800] That's it. [19:36.800 -> 19:39.520] I just felt like a little, hmm, my shoulders drop, my chin lift. [19:39.520 -> 19:43.080] I actually laughed because it's so dumb. [19:43.080 -> 19:46.320] I mean, come on, that's pathetic. I'm standing there. I [19:46.320 -> 19:52.080] got to high five myself. Jeez Louise, who does that? And I kind of laugh at the absurdity [19:52.080 -> 19:58.080] of the whole thing. And then I kind of, I don't even say it. I kind of feel this sense [19:58.080 -> 20:03.040] of suck it up. Come on. It's not that, but get there. There's people with a lot, just [20:03.040 -> 20:05.540] get out there. And I go on with my day. [20:05.540 -> 20:07.200] That is what happened. [20:07.200 -> 20:10.080] It was the second morning, you guys, [20:10.080 -> 20:11.940] that it really hit me. [20:11.940 -> 20:13.520] So let me tell you what happened on the second morning, [20:13.520 -> 20:14.740] because this is crazy. [20:14.740 -> 20:18.520] So I wake up, same problems, same overwhelm, [20:18.520 -> 20:21.960] same anxiety, same beat down. [20:21.960 -> 20:24.180] I five, four, three, two, one, get out of bed. [20:24.180 -> 20:25.260] I make the bed. [20:25.260 -> 20:27.600] I start walking toward the bathroom. [20:27.600 -> 20:31.440] And that's the moment I felt something [20:31.440 -> 20:34.560] I have never felt before. [20:34.560 -> 20:37.220] You know when you are about to meet a friend [20:37.220 -> 20:39.880] and you're about to walk into a pub or a cafe [20:39.880 -> 20:40.960] and you're gonna have a beer [20:40.960 -> 20:42.540] or you're gonna have like a coffee [20:42.540 -> 20:44.560] with somebody you really like. [20:44.560 -> 20:46.360] What do you feel in that moment when you're about to a beer or you're gonna have like a coffee with somebody you really like. What do you feel in that moment [20:46.360 -> 20:48.480] when you're about to walk into the pub? [20:48.480 -> 20:49.680] Excitement. [20:49.680 -> 20:50.520] Yeah. [20:50.520 -> 20:51.560] Did you have that feeling? [20:51.560 -> 20:52.600] I did. [20:52.600 -> 20:56.320] I actually felt excited. [20:56.320 -> 20:57.640] About what? [20:57.640 -> 21:00.960] To see the human being, Mel Robbins. [21:02.120 -> 21:03.400] What were you saying to yourself, Mel, [21:03.400 -> 21:05.920] when you put your hand on the glass? [21:05.920 -> 21:07.840] You don't have to say anything. [21:07.840 -> 21:10.400] And I felt it before I even got to the bathroom, [21:10.400 -> 21:14.600] and this is the part that had me really wake up. [21:14.600 -> 21:17.360] I am gonna be 53 years old this year. [21:17.360 -> 21:22.360] I don't ever remember experiencing the feeling [21:22.920 -> 21:25.000] of being excited [21:25.020 -> 21:28.700] to see the human being Mel Robbins in a mirror. [21:28.700 -> 21:31.180] I've been excited to see an outfit. [21:31.180 -> 21:33.760] I've been excited to see what a haircut looks like, [21:34.660 -> 21:37.880] but the human being, never. [21:37.880 -> 21:39.460] Mel, I've never even looked at the human being [21:39.460 -> 21:40.300] in the mirror. [21:40.300 -> 21:41.120] Correct. [21:41.120 -> 21:42.400] I've looked at the haircut [21:42.400 -> 21:44.520] and I've looked at the outfit like you [21:44.520 -> 21:50.020] and I've looked at the bags and do I need a shave this morning? I'm 42. I've never looked [21:50.020 -> 21:53.700] at the human being in the mirror. When you think about it, who does? It's a means [21:53.700 -> 21:56.960] to an end looking in the mirror, right? Brushing your teeth, are they clean? Great. [21:56.960 -> 22:01.480] Move on with the rest of my day. But Mel, will you tell us about this because I'm [22:01.480 -> 22:06.480] not being cynical but I want to address the cynic that would still go, [22:06.480 -> 22:09.100] yeah, yeah, this is great, but it's not for me. [22:09.100 -> 22:12.020] You talk really quite powerfully in your book [22:12.020 -> 22:16.180] about neurobiotics, which to me is the fascinating area [22:16.180 -> 22:18.060] that this links to. [22:18.060 -> 22:20.700] The way I understood it was that we learn faster [22:20.700 -> 22:22.700] when we do an unusual activity [22:22.700 -> 22:24.940] and we link it up with a positive thought. [22:24.940 -> 22:25.920] It goes in deeper. [22:25.920 -> 22:28.320] But would you explain in a bit more detail [22:28.320 -> 22:31.560] why this simple exercise you're describing [22:31.560 -> 22:33.440] can be so profoundly positive? [22:33.440 -> 22:36.040] Yeah, so let me unpack this for you. [22:36.040 -> 22:39.420] And I will hit you between the eyes with the research [22:39.420 -> 22:40.920] because at this point in the story, [22:40.920 -> 22:42.580] I'm not even in the bathroom yet. [22:43.400 -> 22:45.920] I'm realizing as I'm rounding the corner to step in the story, I'm not even in the bathroom yet. I'm realizing as I'm rounding the corner [22:45.920 -> 22:47.800] to step in the bathroom, [22:47.800 -> 22:52.320] that I've spent probably 45 years [22:52.320 -> 22:55.880] either criticizing or ignoring myself. [22:55.880 -> 22:57.880] You know, you talk a lot about morning routines [22:57.880 -> 22:59.960] and everything we need to do to set yourself up [22:59.960 -> 23:03.040] for making sure that you're high performance person [23:03.040 -> 23:04.640] and you're happier. [23:04.640 -> 23:08.460] You stepped over the habit that everybody has, [23:08.460 -> 23:11.160] which is as you're standing there brushing your teeth, [23:11.160 -> 23:13.080] you drift into autopilot [23:13.080 -> 23:16.880] and you either beat the shit out of yourself [23:16.880 -> 23:18.660] or you ignore yourself. [23:18.660 -> 23:20.240] And then you start thinking about your day [23:20.240 -> 23:23.160] and everything that you're gonna do for everybody else. [23:23.160 -> 23:24.580] And I'm here to tell you, [23:24.580 -> 23:26.960] there is a habit you need every morning [23:26.960 -> 23:30.600] based on crazy science that works for you [23:30.600 -> 23:32.800] because your brain and your nervous system [23:32.800 -> 23:36.200] is already programmed to have it work. [23:36.200 -> 23:37.760] And so I'm gonna unpack this [23:37.760 -> 23:39.600] because it's important for you to understand [23:39.600 -> 23:41.320] where the cynicism comes from, [23:41.320 -> 23:43.640] because it's fucking sad. [23:43.640 -> 23:45.720] It's really sad. [23:45.720 -> 23:48.200] And so standing there that second morning, [23:48.200 -> 23:51.400] I'm having this weird ass experience where I'm like, [23:51.400 -> 23:52.220] what? [23:52.220 -> 23:53.800] Like there's me standing here [23:53.800 -> 23:55.560] and then there's this human being in the mirror [23:55.560 -> 23:58.280] that I've never actually paid attention to. [23:58.280 -> 24:01.780] Behind the skin, behind the face, there is a soul, [24:01.780 -> 24:04.640] there is a person, there are emotions [24:04.640 -> 24:06.640] and I have never actually [24:06.640 -> 24:08.620] even considered it. [24:08.620 -> 24:12.540] You want to go out in the world and do great things, you want to be a leader, there is [24:12.540 -> 24:14.960] something called emotional contagion. [24:14.960 -> 24:19.520] How you feel about yourself, the emotions you feel in the morning, they are contagious [24:19.520 -> 24:23.560] to the people you're trying to lead and inspire and change. [24:23.560 -> 24:27.420] And so it starts with you, especially if you think you're gonna be some kind of leader. [24:27.420 -> 24:30.400] This is not cheese ball, this is science. [24:30.400 -> 24:33.300] And so as I stand there and I realize [24:33.300 -> 24:36.000] there is a human being I've ignored. [24:36.000 -> 24:39.300] There is a person who needs me that I have neglected. [24:39.300 -> 24:42.060] And I put the toothbrush down and it's important for you, [24:42.060 -> 24:44.440] as you said, Jake, you need to do this [24:44.440 -> 24:46.520] right after you brush your teeth, because I want you to stack [24:46.520 -> 24:48.360] the habit with something you already do. [24:48.360 -> 24:49.980] You gotta clean the crap out of your mouth, [24:49.980 -> 24:51.320] you don't wanna go into the day and spread [24:51.320 -> 24:52.960] dragon breath all over the place. [24:52.960 -> 24:55.340] You gotta clean the crap out of your brain, [24:55.340 -> 24:57.320] so you don't spread that negative bullshit [24:57.320 -> 24:58.800] that's in your head that's been building [24:58.800 -> 25:02.400] for your entire lifetime on unsuspecting people around you [25:02.400 -> 25:03.960] and for yourself. [25:03.960 -> 25:05.960] And so I put the toothbrush down [25:05.960 -> 25:08.560] and here's what you're gonna notice. [25:08.560 -> 25:11.840] First things first, this will feel weird. [25:11.840 -> 25:13.100] It will. [25:13.100 -> 25:17.040] And the reason is explained by neuroscience. [25:17.040 -> 25:20.040] You have the opposite habit of high-fiving yourself. [25:20.040 -> 25:23.240] You either ignore or you criticize yourself [25:23.240 -> 25:24.120] or you judge yourself. [25:24.120 -> 25:26.040] That's what you do in the mirror every day. [25:26.040 -> 25:27.900] The high five is the exact opposite. [25:27.900 -> 25:30.280] So just like I write with my right hand right now, [25:30.280 -> 25:32.760] it's not weird at all because it's already programmed [25:32.760 -> 25:35.500] into my subconscious brain through neuropathway connection [25:35.500 -> 25:37.560] and through a lifetime of physical [25:37.560 -> 25:39.400] and mental activity fused together. [25:39.400 -> 25:41.660] If I lost my arm in a car accident today [25:41.660 -> 25:43.520] and I had to start writing with my left hand, [25:43.520 -> 25:44.940] of course it would feel weird. [25:44.940 -> 25:47.420] It's new, it's the opposite of what I've done. [25:47.420 -> 25:49.560] That's what it feels like to create new neural pathways. [25:49.560 -> 25:52.600] So weirdness is not a rejection of the idea, [25:52.600 -> 25:54.500] it's your own brain and how it works. [25:54.500 -> 25:55.620] That's number one. [25:55.620 -> 25:59.120] Number two, there are only two reactions that people have [25:59.120 -> 26:00.560] when they first do it. [26:00.560 -> 26:02.800] It's either wildly positive. [26:02.800 -> 26:05.280] So you might raise your hand and high five the mirror [26:05.280 -> 26:08.040] and you will either burst into laughter at the absurdity [26:08.040 -> 26:10.160] and kind of how good it feels, [26:10.160 -> 26:14.480] or you'll start crying in a positive way [26:14.480 -> 26:18.160] because there's a deep emotional release for people [26:18.160 -> 26:22.480] when they realize I have been waiting for a very long time [26:22.480 -> 26:26.920] for you to wake the fuck up and actually see me and start supporting me. [26:26.920 -> 26:29.800] And the tears come from a sense of relief [26:29.800 -> 26:31.380] that you finally got it. [26:31.380 -> 26:33.300] You're finally returning home. [26:33.300 -> 26:36.640] You're finally coming back to who you fundamentally are [26:36.640 -> 26:39.540] because as a kid, you didn't lay in front of a mirror [26:39.540 -> 26:42.260] and criticize your face or your chubby thighs. [26:42.260 -> 26:44.420] You literally crawled up to it and kissed yourself. [26:44.420 -> 26:45.820] You used to spin in front of it. [26:45.820 -> 26:48.520] You used to dance when the music came on. [26:48.520 -> 26:53.260] Life taught you to criticize and ignore yourself. [26:53.260 -> 26:57.260] So this is a coming back to what is innately wired [26:57.260 -> 26:59.980] into your DNA, this need for support [26:59.980 -> 27:02.380] and celebration of self. [27:02.380 -> 27:04.240] And so it feels so good. [27:04.240 -> 27:06.400] And I'm gonna explain the science behind that [27:06.400 -> 27:07.800] because there's so much science here [27:07.800 -> 27:11.300] that we've even uncovered since finishing the book, [27:11.300 -> 27:12.820] it's bananas. [27:12.820 -> 27:16.840] So the second though and more likely response [27:16.840 -> 27:18.060] is the resistance. [27:18.940 -> 27:20.120] You will scoff at it. [27:21.360 -> 27:22.720] You will not do it. [27:22.720 -> 27:23.920] You'll roll your eyes. [27:23.920 -> 27:26.400] You'll tell yourself this is stupid. [27:26.400 -> 27:28.260] Let me tell you where the resistance comes from [27:28.260 -> 27:32.240] because this is what's blocking you [27:32.240 -> 27:33.520] from being a high performer. [27:33.520 -> 27:36.140] It's blocking you from feeling fulfillment. [27:36.140 -> 27:39.580] It's blocking you from the happiness and joy you deserve. [27:39.580 -> 27:42.680] When you stand in the bathroom every morning, [27:42.680 -> 27:49.360] you drag your entire past into the bathroom with you. So if you've ever been abused or [27:49.360 -> 27:52.280] experienced trauma or been discriminated against or been [27:52.280 -> 27:56.760] abandoned or heartbroken or have had anything done to you, that [27:56.760 -> 28:00.640] makes you feel like you're unworthy or unlovable, or [28:00.640 -> 28:05.000] somehow you're damaged, that experience in your past [28:05.980 -> 28:09.560] is the evidence that you use to see a human being [28:09.560 -> 28:12.400] that is unworthy or unlovable or damaged [28:12.400 -> 28:14.280] because of those things. [28:14.280 -> 28:17.440] And so you see somebody who doesn't deserve celebration [28:17.440 -> 28:19.260] because of those things. [28:19.260 -> 28:23.800] Or if you're a human being, you have done shit you regret, [28:23.800 -> 28:26.160] whether it's cheating or it's drugs or it's lying [28:26.160 -> 28:27.960] or it's not living up to your potential [28:27.960 -> 28:30.320] or it's giving up on yourself or it's hurting other people [28:30.320 -> 28:33.260] or all the things that, boy, you would forgive Damien [28:33.260 -> 28:35.260] or Jake or Mel Robbins for, [28:35.260 -> 28:37.340] but you can't forgive yourself for it. [28:37.340 -> 28:38.960] You wear that shame and that regret [28:38.960 -> 28:40.380] like a yoke around your neck [28:40.380 -> 28:42.680] and then you bring it into the bathroom every morning [28:42.680 -> 28:43.920] and you see that evidence. [28:43.920 -> 28:46.100] Like my husband did this for years. [28:46.100 -> 28:48.800] He followed his dream and went into the pizza restaurant [28:48.800 -> 28:51.140] and they worked, he and his best friend, [28:51.140 -> 28:54.940] for seven years at it and then it shut down. [28:54.940 -> 28:57.180] It didn't return the investment. [28:57.180 -> 28:59.900] They had hoped and they had worked their tails off for it [28:59.900 -> 29:03.300] and when he left that business in 2014, you guys, [29:03.300 -> 29:06.440] he could not separate the failure of the business [29:06.440 -> 29:08.620] from how he saw himself. [29:08.620 -> 29:15.040] He would walk into that mirror for six years and see a failure. [29:15.040 -> 29:18.000] Did he feel like he deserved a high five? [29:18.000 -> 29:23.940] No, because he had evidence for why, and that's the resistance. [29:23.940 -> 29:27.060] There's another reason why, and this is big with high performers. [29:27.060 -> 29:30.580] It's because you believe that it's only [29:30.580 -> 29:32.820] when you're achieving something [29:32.820 -> 29:36.380] that's worthy of celebration that you deserve it. [29:36.380 -> 29:38.180] That until you have the money in the bank, [29:38.180 -> 29:40.460] until you have the number on the scale, [29:40.460 -> 29:42.460] until you're married to the right person [29:42.460 -> 29:43.980] or living in the right neighborhood [29:43.980 -> 29:45.120] or driving that Range Rover [29:45.120 -> 29:47.160] or whatever the fuck it is that you think that you need [29:47.160 -> 29:49.620] or your hair's not kinky or this, that, or the other thing, [29:49.620 -> 29:51.720] that until you have that thing, [29:51.720 -> 29:54.120] you haven't done anything worthy of a high five. [29:54.120 -> 29:57.020] So why would you on a random day, [29:57.020 -> 29:59.480] raise your hand in celebration, [29:59.480 -> 30:02.560] given the fact that you're not where you think you should be? [30:02.560 -> 30:04.400] That's what the resistance is. [30:04.400 -> 30:06.120] That's what your cynicism is. [30:06.120 -> 30:07.560] And it's become a habit. [30:07.560 -> 30:10.640] And here's the sad ass part about all this. [30:10.640 -> 30:12.880] If you think about the London Marathon, right? [30:12.880 -> 30:14.800] Even you cynical Brits, [30:14.800 -> 30:17.360] do you stand on the side with your arms crossed [30:17.360 -> 30:18.780] at mile eight and go, [30:18.780 -> 30:23.360] hey, fucking asshole, I'm not cheering for you. [30:23.360 -> 30:25.920] I saw how slow you were on the last split. [30:25.920 -> 30:27.400] When you cross the finish line, [30:27.400 -> 30:29.400] I'll give you a little polite clap. [30:29.400 -> 30:30.240] Fuck off. [30:30.240 -> 30:31.200] That's not what you do. [30:31.200 -> 30:33.600] You're like, you know, you like high five them. [30:33.600 -> 30:36.160] In fact, if you've ever done a road race, [30:36.160 -> 30:40.720] you know it's the encouragement of strangers [30:40.720 -> 30:42.920] every step of the way. [30:42.920 -> 30:44.760] I'm like one of the most positive people [30:44.760 -> 30:46.680] that you will ever meet. [30:46.680 -> 30:51.080] And I did not know how to stand before myself [30:51.080 -> 30:52.960] until I discovered this. [30:52.960 -> 30:56.420] And actually see the human being Mel Robbins, [30:56.420 -> 31:00.600] somebody who is trying, somebody who needs help, [31:00.600 -> 31:02.960] somebody who doesn't ask for help, [31:02.960 -> 31:05.400] somebody who's waiting for somebody to show up [31:05.400 -> 31:08.360] and acknowledge me and help me and read my mind. [31:08.360 -> 31:12.880] And the fact is you have your best ally and hype squad, [31:12.880 -> 31:14.840] the person you spend your whole life with [31:14.840 -> 31:16.440] staring back at you in the mirror [31:16.440 -> 31:19.800] and you need to actually be that person [31:19.800 -> 31:22.960] celebrating and high-fiving them every step of the way. [31:22.960 -> 31:25.240] And here's the science, here's the science. [31:25.240 -> 31:27.560] This is why I want you to do it for five days. [31:27.560 -> 31:30.600] So first of all, yes, it's gonna feel weird. [31:30.600 -> 31:32.740] Yes, you're gonna resist it. [31:32.740 -> 31:35.440] But the moment you raise your hand [31:35.440 -> 31:39.200] and go to high-five yourself, you'll notice something. [31:39.200 -> 31:42.240] You can't high-five yourself in the mirror [31:42.240 -> 31:44.320] and go, I hate my face. [31:44.320 -> 31:45.920] You can't do it. [31:45.920 -> 31:47.760] And your brain won't allow you to. [31:47.760 -> 31:50.880] And there's a reason why that can be explained by science. [31:50.880 -> 31:52.680] And this has to do with neurobics, [31:52.680 -> 31:54.560] what you were talking about, Damian. [31:54.560 -> 31:57.840] So I spent a couple hours with Dr. Daniel Amen. [31:57.840 -> 31:59.840] So the world's leading expert on the brain. [31:59.840 -> 32:01.960] When I told him about this three weeks ago, [32:01.960 -> 32:04.600] the guy geeked the hell out and explained to me [32:04.600 -> 32:07.180] all kinds of stuff that I didn't even realize. [32:07.180 -> 32:08.320] So he said, first of all, [32:08.320 -> 32:11.000] and this part we write about in the book based on aerobics, [32:11.000 -> 32:13.760] marrying a physical motion that's unexpected. [32:13.760 -> 32:15.920] So you never high five yourself, so it's unexpected. [32:15.920 -> 32:18.740] So that, whoo, snaps your prefrontal cortex into motion, [32:18.740 -> 32:20.720] like what the heck's going on? [32:20.720 -> 32:22.960] With a positive new thought, [32:22.960 -> 32:25.600] it's the fastest way to create a new neural pathway. [32:25.600 -> 32:27.600] And so he basically said, [32:27.600 -> 32:30.000] so you guys, when you've high five people [32:30.000 -> 32:33.520] in sport or in life, or you've received one, [32:33.520 -> 32:35.640] what does the gesture of a high five [32:35.640 -> 32:37.120] without anybody saying anything, [32:37.120 -> 32:39.880] what does it actually communicate to you? [32:39.880 -> 32:42.380] I see you, I acknowledge you. [32:42.380 -> 32:45.700] Yeah, I believe in you, I got you, let's do this. [32:45.700 -> 32:48.180] I celebrate you, if your attitude's in the tank, [32:48.180 -> 32:50.420] shake it off, I got you. [32:50.420 -> 32:51.560] It's all of that. [32:51.560 -> 32:55.380] It's celebration, it's encouragement, it's acknowledgement. [32:55.380 -> 32:58.740] And you've been doing it for other people your entire life. [32:58.740 -> 33:00.660] So all the positive programming [33:00.660 -> 33:02.940] is already in your basal ganglia. [33:02.940 -> 33:05.600] It's already married to the motion. [33:05.600 -> 33:10.600] So when you raise your hand and you do the physical gesture, [33:10.640 -> 33:13.480] your brain recognizes that you guys, [33:13.480 -> 33:15.360] and it overrides any critic, [33:15.360 -> 33:18.880] any habit loop associated with bashing yourself, [33:18.880 -> 33:21.560] silences it, and it overrides it [33:21.560 -> 33:23.120] with the positive programming [33:23.120 -> 33:25.240] and marries it with your reflection. [33:25.240 -> 33:27.600] Do you realize I've been doing this for a year [33:28.500 -> 33:32.220] and I don't even have to high five myself anymore? [33:32.220 -> 33:34.660] Because when I walk in front of the mirror, [33:34.660 -> 33:36.540] the critic is gone. [33:36.540 -> 33:39.360] I see a human being that I love. [33:39.360 -> 33:41.880] And it's not arrogance at all. [33:41.880 -> 33:43.640] It's just support. [33:43.640 -> 33:45.160] That's it. And so I'm not even done with the science. So hold just support. That's it. [33:45.160 -> 33:46.960] And so I'm not even done with the science. [33:46.960 -> 33:47.800] So hold on a second. [33:47.800 -> 33:48.920] So Dr. Daniel Amon was like, [33:48.920 -> 33:50.740] hey, Amel, you wanna know what else? [33:50.740 -> 33:51.640] You wanna know what else? [33:51.640 -> 33:53.400] You wanna know why it feels goofy [33:53.400 -> 33:55.640] and you kind of feel a little bit better when you do it? [33:55.640 -> 33:57.880] He said, well, because every time [33:57.880 -> 33:59.240] that somebody else high fives you, [33:59.240 -> 34:02.860] your brain gives you dopamine, the feel good drug. [34:02.860 -> 34:04.020] When you do it to yourself, [34:04.020 -> 34:05.640] your brain recognizes the gesture and gives you a drip of dopamine. He said, you. When you do it to yourself, your brain recognizes the gesture [34:05.640 -> 34:07.180] and gives you a drip of dopamine. [34:07.180 -> 34:08.560] He said, you wanna know why else it works? [34:08.560 -> 34:09.980] I said, yeah, I do. [34:09.980 -> 34:12.780] He said, well, because your nervous system [34:12.780 -> 34:14.820] also knows what's going on. [34:14.820 -> 34:17.420] And it jumps into the mode to help you. [34:17.420 -> 34:18.660] And I'm like, what do you mean? [34:18.660 -> 34:21.280] He said, well, gestures of hugging, [34:21.280 -> 34:23.100] you're raising your arms. [34:23.100 -> 34:24.760] Pat on the back, you raise your arm. [34:24.760 -> 34:26.320] A wave hello, you raise your arm. When you cross your finish line,'re raising your arms. Pat on the back, you raise your arm. A wave hello, you raise your arm. [34:26.320 -> 34:28.420] When you cross your finish line, you raise your arms. [34:28.420 -> 34:30.520] When you high five somebody, you raise your arm. [34:30.520 -> 34:32.680] All celebratory gestures. [34:32.680 -> 34:37.080] All gestures your nervous system recognizes as celebratory. [34:37.080 -> 34:39.760] You start to do it every single day in the mirror, [34:39.760 -> 34:41.460] along with the positive programming [34:41.460 -> 34:43.640] that's already in your brain associated with it, [34:43.640 -> 34:50.880] along with the celebratory energy that is in your nervous system that boosts your mood, your body and [34:50.880 -> 34:57.120] your brain is already conditioned, wired by a lifetime of experience to have this override [34:57.120 -> 35:05.000] your circuitry and program a new set of neural pathways and an entirely new experience [35:05.180 -> 35:09.560] that you will feel when you see and think about yourself. [35:09.560 -> 35:10.660] It's crazy. [35:10.660 -> 35:11.500] It's amazing. [35:14.140 -> 35:16.400] Every year, one thing is always predictable. [35:16.400 -> 35:18.020] Postage costs go up. 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So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead [35:59.480 -> 36:04.440] costs and instead sells their phone plans online and passes those savings to [36:04.440 -> 36:09.080] you. And for a limited time they they're passing on even more savings, with a new customer offer [36:09.080 -> 36:15.120] that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a 3 month plan. [36:15.120 -> 36:21.480] That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month. [36:21.480 -> 36:27.200] And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to providers that we've worked with before [36:27.560 -> 36:34.060] Is incredible. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month [36:34.060 -> 36:40.360] So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans, those jaw-dropping monthly bills, those unexpected overages [36:40.400 -> 36:49.340] Because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any [36:49.340 -> 36:54.040] Mint Mobile plan, bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. [36:54.040 -> 36:57.840] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get [36:57.840 -> 37:02.500] premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month. To get this new customer [37:02.500 -> 37:06.760] offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited [37:04.640 -> 37:10.440] wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month [37:06.760 -> 37:14.080] go to mintmobile.com slash HPP. That's [37:10.440 -> 37:16.760] mintmobile.com slash HPP. Cut your [37:14.080 -> 37:20.320] wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at [37:16.760 -> 37:22.200] mintmobile.com slash HPP. Additional taxes, [37:20.320 -> 37:24.960] fees and restrictions apply. See Mint [37:22.200 -> 37:26.840] Mobile for details. So, we get a lot [37:24.960 -> 37:26.280] of teachers and parents [37:26.280 -> 37:27.560] listening to this podcast. [37:27.560 -> 37:31.080] And I was particularly taken by the line that you said [37:31.080 -> 37:33.800] about that many of us haven't been taught the skill [37:33.800 -> 37:35.880] of being kind to ourselves, [37:35.880 -> 37:37.720] which is what the book is around. [37:37.720 -> 37:40.040] So what advice would you give to those of us [37:40.040 -> 37:42.460] that are parents or those of us that are teachers [37:42.460 -> 37:47.120] about how we can start to educate children around kindness. [37:47.120 -> 37:51.480] Well, the most powerful way to teach anybody anything [37:51.480 -> 37:53.520] is to not tell them, but to show them. [37:54.400 -> 37:56.140] It starts with you. [37:56.140 -> 37:58.940] If you stand in front of the mirror and criticize yourself, [37:58.940 -> 38:00.700] your kids are hearing you. [38:00.700 -> 38:02.660] If you say, let me get bit in the back of the photo [38:02.660 -> 38:05.920] because you don't like your body, your kids are hearing you. [38:05.920 -> 38:08.500] If you screw up and you're like, bloody hell, [38:08.500 -> 38:09.700] why do I always suck? [38:10.680 -> 38:12.480] Your kids are hearing you. [38:12.480 -> 38:15.080] Their brains are like little sponges [38:15.080 -> 38:18.240] absorbing your patterns of behavior. [38:18.240 -> 38:20.760] And if your patterns of behavior include [38:20.760 -> 38:23.240] being hard on yourself, criticizing yourself, [38:23.240 -> 38:26.880] hating your body, your kids hear it. [38:26.880 -> 38:29.460] And so it starts with you, that's number one. [38:29.460 -> 38:31.000] The second thing that I would say [38:31.000 -> 38:32.660] is that there's a really interesting study [38:32.660 -> 38:34.300] that we write about in chapter two [38:34.300 -> 38:35.740] that was mind blowing to me [38:35.740 -> 38:38.880] that every educator and parent needs to know. [38:38.880 -> 38:41.860] Now you guys talk about the growth mindset all the time, [38:41.860 -> 38:42.700] right? [38:42.700 -> 38:43.860] You know the difference between a growth mindset [38:43.860 -> 38:45.760] and a fixed mindset, we all know that. [38:45.760 -> 38:48.140] So researchers wondered, [38:48.140 -> 38:50.960] what is the best way to motivate somebody [38:50.960 -> 38:53.240] to tap into that sense of resilience [38:53.240 -> 38:55.920] when you're facing a challenging moment, right? [38:55.920 -> 38:57.600] And so they did this study [38:57.600 -> 39:00.280] where they divided kids into three groups [39:00.280 -> 39:03.040] and they tested three different forms of encouragement. [39:03.040 -> 39:06.060] One of them was based in the fixed mindset stuff. [39:06.060 -> 39:07.320] So they would walk up to students [39:07.320 -> 39:09.200] and verbally tell them you're really smart, [39:09.200 -> 39:11.480] you know, praising a fixed trait about them, [39:11.480 -> 39:13.280] which, you know, helps a little bit to feel encouraged, [39:13.280 -> 39:15.400] but doesn't really go the distance. [39:15.400 -> 39:17.800] The second group got the growth mindset praise, [39:17.800 -> 39:19.340] which is of course, as we all know, [39:19.340 -> 39:21.460] praising something that you have control of, [39:21.460 -> 39:22.320] which is your effort. [39:22.320 -> 39:23.560] Oh, you're really persevering. [39:23.560 -> 39:25.400] Oh, you're such a hard worker. [39:25.400 -> 39:29.340] The third group, the researchers didn't say a thing. [39:29.340 -> 39:31.160] They just gave the kids a high five. [39:31.160 -> 39:34.480] Those kids that got a high five during a challenging task, [39:34.480 -> 39:37.040] those kids outworked both of those groups, [39:37.040 -> 39:39.300] felt better about themselves, worked longer, [39:39.300 -> 39:40.880] pushed through more challenges. [39:40.880 -> 39:42.680] The researchers were so blown away [39:42.680 -> 39:45.960] that they changed the title of the study [39:45.960 -> 39:52.800] when it was published in Frontiers of Psychology, the research magazine, to the motivational [39:52.800 -> 39:54.460] power of a high five. [39:54.460 -> 39:57.140] And the question is, why? [39:57.140 -> 39:59.880] Why is it more motivating than verbal praise? [39:59.880 -> 40:07.880] Well, the reason why a high five is so motivating is because it fulfills a human being's most [40:07.880 -> 40:11.000] foundational emotional needs. [40:11.000 -> 40:14.980] When you high five somebody, whether it's yourself or your kid, when they're going through [40:14.980 -> 40:21.300] a challenging moment, first of all, you hear them because the high five says, I get it, [40:21.300 -> 40:22.300] this sucks. [40:22.300 -> 40:26.280] Like when my husband started doing this, he still felt like a failure. [40:26.280 -> 40:28.740] The high five doesn't say, you're awesome. [40:28.740 -> 40:31.400] The high five says, I get it. [40:31.400 -> 40:33.920] There've been some things that have really gone wrong. [40:33.920 -> 40:35.040] And guess what? [40:35.040 -> 40:36.880] I'm still here for you. [40:36.880 -> 40:39.000] I still believe in you. [40:39.000 -> 40:40.080] That's what it's doing. [40:40.080 -> 40:42.600] So when you high five a kid going through a challenge, [40:42.600 -> 40:44.720] you're acknowledging that this is hard, [40:44.720 -> 40:45.200] but you're also [40:46.120 -> 40:51.080] Transferring the energy of your belief back to them. It's a shared [40:51.920 -> 40:59.360] Celebration in your ability to face this moment and I'm here to tell you you can build that partnership with yourself [40:59.600 -> 41:05.580] Like right now at the beginning of a school year, what goes viral? All of those moments where teachers create [41:05.580 -> 41:07.760] individual handshakes and high fives [41:07.760 -> 41:09.660] with kids going into the classroom. [41:09.660 -> 41:11.220] Why do we all love that? [41:11.220 -> 41:13.620] Well, because innately we know [41:13.620 -> 41:16.180] that each one of those kids feels seen. [41:16.180 -> 41:18.340] They feel like they matter. [41:18.340 -> 41:20.660] That is the most important thing for your kids [41:20.660 -> 41:23.460] and for you to feel that they matter. [41:23.460 -> 41:25.840] And so I think that A, [41:25.840 -> 41:28.680] you should certainly be adopting the high five [41:28.680 -> 41:32.280] and B, you should be modeling this [41:32.280 -> 41:33.400] because one of the other things [41:33.400 -> 41:34.520] that I write about in this book [41:34.520 -> 41:35.820] and since you brought up kids, [41:35.820 -> 41:40.720] I'm gonna read a text message from one of my daughters [41:40.720 -> 41:45.000] who is 21 years old and she is a junior in college [41:46.380 -> 41:50.620] and she is at a music conservatory studying, [41:50.620 -> 41:52.220] she's a singer songwriter. [41:52.220 -> 41:53.700] She's at a music conservatory [41:53.700 -> 41:56.020] at the University of Southern California. [41:56.020 -> 41:58.020] And she texted me the other day [41:58.020 -> 42:03.020] and I think our text exchange is illustrative [42:03.260 -> 42:05.000] of not only the power of this, [42:05.360 -> 42:08.240] but of the resistance that everybody feels. [42:08.240 -> 42:10.820] She says, hey mom, are you getting excited [42:10.820 -> 42:12.020] about your new book? [42:12.020 -> 42:13.420] I can't wait to read it. [42:13.420 -> 42:16.740] By the way, I've been high-fiving myself in the mirror. [42:16.740 -> 42:19.920] And I said, how's the high-five working? [42:19.920 -> 42:23.540] And she said, well, I really don't know what to say [42:23.540 -> 42:25.200] when I do it. [42:25.200 -> 42:29.120] Because sometimes I still stand and look in the mirror [42:29.120 -> 42:31.320] and the first thing I think is, [42:31.320 -> 42:34.040] you're not as pretty as the rest of the girls. [42:35.880 -> 42:40.600] And I said, well, you actually don't need to say anything. [42:40.600 -> 42:43.520] The high five will silence that thought [42:43.520 -> 42:46.320] and communicate everything that you need for you. [42:46.320 -> 42:50.720] And she said, but what if I didn't accomplish anything? [42:50.720 -> 42:55.920] Like I didn't work out today or I didn't write a song like I said I would. [42:55.920 -> 42:59.320] Do I still high-five myself after the shower? [42:59.320 -> 43:04.120] I said, absolutely. You got to keep showing up every day trying to do a little better. [43:04.120 -> 43:07.620] That alone makes you worthy of support and celebration [43:08.560 -> 43:11.300] You see we have the secret to life and happiness and motivation [43:11.900 -> 43:13.120] backwards [43:13.120 -> 43:16.960] You think you need to accomplish something to be worthy of a high five [43:17.680 -> 43:22.740] And she says wait a minute. Are you saying the fact that I exist? [43:23.520 -> 43:25.000] Deserves a high five. [43:25.000 -> 43:28.720] Like it just like makes me, and I said, yeah, [43:28.720 -> 43:31.720] when you high five yourself for just standing there [43:31.720 -> 43:35.020] in front of the mirror, you are demonstrating [43:35.020 -> 43:38.160] that you see you and all your potential [43:38.160 -> 43:40.680] and you still support you and you believe in you [43:40.680 -> 43:43.040] and that no matter what happens today, [43:43.040 -> 43:44.800] you've got your own back. [43:44.800 -> 43:45.800] And I said, well, what do you think [43:45.800 -> 43:47.120] about what I just wrote, Ken? [43:47.120 -> 43:49.640] And she said, I love it, it makes me feel great. [43:49.640 -> 43:51.100] And then I wrote this, [43:51.100 -> 43:54.120] can you explain why it makes you feel great? [43:54.120 -> 43:56.320] Because maybe what you say is gonna help me [43:56.320 -> 43:58.640] explain this to everybody else. [43:58.640 -> 44:01.800] And she said, well, what the high five shows you [44:01.800 -> 44:05.540] is that you don't actually know how much you're always doing. [44:05.540 -> 44:10.720] And I think that once you start high fiving yourself every single morning, it almost allows [44:10.720 -> 44:14.000] you to be more present to everything you're doing. [44:14.000 -> 44:17.160] And it helps you recognize all those small victories. [44:17.160 -> 44:22.660] And when you compile those small victories, you can actually recognize all of your accomplishments [44:22.660 -> 44:27.020] big and small, and eventually come to believe [44:27.020 -> 44:30.840] that not only are you worth it, but you can do anything. [44:31.680 -> 44:33.000] Wow, that's moving. [44:33.000 -> 44:35.240] And by the way, thanks very much for sharing [44:36.200 -> 44:39.400] the personal message between you and your daughter. [44:39.400 -> 44:41.700] So interesting the way it makes you reframe your thinking [44:41.700 -> 44:42.540] though, isn't it? [44:42.540 -> 44:47.240] Because I've been sitting here thinking about high fives and when I high five people in my life [44:47.240 -> 44:50.360] and I high five my kids exactly as you've just said, [44:50.360 -> 44:52.720] when something great happens. [44:52.720 -> 44:54.320] And then I thought about what you were saying [44:54.320 -> 44:56.280] about the NBA at the very beginning. [44:56.280 -> 44:58.080] When do they high five each other? [44:58.080 -> 44:59.260] At the start of the game. [44:59.260 -> 45:00.840] They haven't even won the game. [45:00.840 -> 45:01.960] But the first thing they're doing [45:01.960 -> 45:05.000] before they even tip off is high-fiving each other. [45:05.000 -> 45:13.000] And I think there's a really strong message there for people to share that high-five as your kids walk out the door in the morning, as your husband or wife wake up. [45:13.000 -> 45:20.000] And it also leads me to ask the question, my kids, I know I spend all my time lifting up my kids because they're my children. [45:20.000 -> 45:25.380] I want them to be resilient and I want to buy I think it's probably a long time since I high-fived my wife [45:25.380 -> 45:27.380] and I and I think there's a [45:27.800 -> 45:30.820] probably it's worth us all thinking isn't it about [45:31.760 -> 45:35.680] Of course, it's good to be good to ourselves and good to the people that we feel need it [45:35.680 -> 45:40.640] But we should also high-five those that we think don't necessarily need it because perhaps they do I think that's true [45:40.640 -> 45:42.640] But it does start with you [45:42.640 -> 45:46.120] like what I've begun to realize is that [45:46.120 -> 45:49.880] unless you truly love and support yourself, [45:50.720 -> 45:55.000] you won't allow somebody to deeply love you back [45:55.000 -> 45:57.020] or support you either. [45:57.020 -> 46:02.020] And so I feel that the more I have done this [46:02.240 -> 46:07.840] and the more I have felt supported and happy with who I am by [46:07.840 -> 46:13.700] accepting myself, by loving myself every single morning, supporting myself and sending myself [46:13.700 -> 46:16.100] into the game of life, right? [46:16.100 -> 46:22.200] Just like those NBA players, knowing that I have my own back and then sending Chris into [46:22.200 -> 46:25.240] his day and sending the kids into the day. [46:25.240 -> 46:28.240] Yes, we need to support our spouses and our partners [46:28.240 -> 46:29.860] and our kids and our colleagues [46:29.860 -> 46:32.880] and everybody needs to feel a sense of being lifted up. [46:33.720 -> 46:38.720] But the true, true power comes [46:38.720 -> 46:41.240] from knowing how to do it for yourself. [46:41.240 -> 46:49.400] Because it's in those moments when you're alone that how you see yourself and how you treat yourself matters. [46:49.580 -> 46:50.680] Like I get this text, [46:50.680 -> 46:52.480] and this is at the beginning of chapter four, [46:52.480 -> 46:53.920] that would break anybody's heart. [46:53.920 -> 46:55.520] And we all have gotten a text like this [46:55.520 -> 46:57.400] from somebody we love. [46:57.400 -> 47:01.460] How do I not feel like the ugliest girl at the bar [47:01.460 -> 47:03.600] every time I go out? [47:03.600 -> 47:08.400] Now, it doesn't matter, Jake, how I see her. [47:08.400 -> 47:12.040] It doesn't matter if I high-five her or I tell her [47:12.040 -> 47:14.440] that she's beautiful and smart and loyal [47:14.440 -> 47:17.840] and amazing human being, because her experience [47:17.840 -> 47:21.160] of her life is not determined what I think of her. [47:21.160 -> 47:23.540] It's determined by what she thinks of herself. [47:24.480 -> 47:27.120] And so the other reason why this high five habit [47:27.120 -> 47:32.120] is so important is because a mantra is not gonna work. [47:33.560 -> 47:37.780] If you hate your body or you think you're the ugliest [47:37.780 -> 47:39.200] or you think you're a failure [47:39.200 -> 47:42.360] because your entrepreneurial venture failed, [47:42.360 -> 47:47.580] standing in front of a mirror and chanting, I'm awesome, it's not gonna work. [47:47.580 -> 47:50.780] Because your brain doesn't believe it. [47:50.780 -> 47:54.040] You've been saying the opposite for decades. [47:54.040 -> 47:56.280] The power of the high five is, [47:56.280 -> 47:59.640] you can still think I'm ugly and I'm a failure, [47:59.640 -> 48:01.720] but the second you go to raise the hand, [48:01.720 -> 48:03.720] you're demonstrating the opposite. [48:04.660 -> 48:09.120] And so it's really important that this is something [48:09.120 -> 48:10.880] that people take on for themselves [48:10.880 -> 48:14.580] because only you can change how you see yourself. [48:14.580 -> 48:17.340] And it's only through action [48:17.340 -> 48:19.920] and acting like a different person [48:19.920 -> 48:22.240] that your brain will fall into line [48:22.240 -> 48:25.160] and start to see you as a different person. [48:25.160 -> 48:29.920] And if you're too scared to do it because you have such a low opinion of [48:29.920 -> 48:33.320] yourself you don't really want to get to know the person in the mirror, what about [48:33.320 -> 48:38.000] those people? Do it anyway, five four three two one, do it anyway. You [48:38.000 -> 48:53.100] desperately want to. You have been withholding it from yourself. And on the total opposite, the people listening to this now thinking that's great, well done Mel, amazing, there are people out there that need it, but I don't. [48:53.100 -> 48:55.600] I'm confident enough, I'm happy enough, life's good enough. [48:55.600 -> 48:57.100] What would you say to those people? [48:57.100 -> 48:57.800] Don't do it. [48:57.800 -> 48:59.300] It's not beneficial to everyone? [48:59.300 -> 49:00.000] Of course it is. [49:00.000 -> 49:01.500] Regardless of their own opinion? [49:01.500 -> 49:08.940] Like, so even if they think they're great, they should try anyway? You know, even somebody who thinks they're great [49:08.940 -> 49:10.320] is bullshitting themselves. [49:12.880 -> 49:14.640] Because at the end of the day, [49:14.640 -> 49:17.740] there are things you've never forgiven yourself for. [49:17.740 -> 49:20.460] There are pieces of you that you pick apart. [49:20.460 -> 49:22.840] There are parts of you that you hide [49:22.840 -> 49:25.480] and that you've shoved away and that you've never faced and [49:26.280 -> 49:28.280] There's a level of contentment [49:28.920 -> 49:30.920] There's a level of freedom [49:31.680 -> 49:34.460] That comes from truly accepting all of you [49:36.000 -> 49:38.000] Everything that you're not [49:38.040 -> 49:39.600] Everything that you are [49:39.600 -> 49:45.560] there's a level of happiness and joy that comes from truly being able to stand with yourself [49:45.560 -> 49:48.880] and understand that all those things that you did, [49:48.880 -> 49:50.320] that you'd rather forget, [49:50.320 -> 49:52.240] you just did them while you were trying to survive [49:52.240 -> 49:54.500] and it's time to fucking forgive yourself. [49:54.500 -> 49:56.120] It's time to move on. [49:56.120 -> 49:59.480] Like so many of us that are high achievers, by the way, [49:59.480 -> 50:02.560] are trying to prove through our actions [50:02.560 -> 50:04.600] that we're actually worthy. [50:04.600 -> 50:07.820] And all of the bolstering and the nice cars that we drive [50:07.820 -> 50:09.100] and the fat bank account, [50:09.100 -> 50:11.900] look, I'm one of the most successful people you'll meet. [50:11.900 -> 50:13.920] I make a shitload of money. [50:13.920 -> 50:17.100] I am making a huge impact in the world. [50:17.100 -> 50:19.820] And all of that shit is outside of me. [50:19.820 -> 50:21.660] It created a life, guys, [50:21.660 -> 50:24.700] where I'm just busier and busier and busier. [50:24.700 -> 50:27.840] Because the second you get the Range Rover, what's the next car that's going to prove [50:27.840 -> 50:28.840] it? [50:28.840 -> 50:30.800] The second that you get a million dollars, how are you going to get $10 million in the [50:30.800 -> 50:31.800] bank? [50:31.800 -> 50:34.920] The second that you're not racing around and you're not busy and the book's not on the [50:34.920 -> 50:39.140] bestseller list, that just means that you're no longer worthy. [50:39.140 -> 50:45.520] And so when you marry your worth or your lovability with what you are achieving or how you're [50:45.520 -> 50:49.960] performing or the shit that you have, you will always be trapped in this rat race [50:49.960 -> 50:54.160] of trying to get more. You'll also be consumed by jealousy in comparison [50:54.160 -> 50:59.000] because the second that somebody outranks you or does something more or [50:59.000 -> 51:07.040] does something that looks better, you will at your core feel like you're no longer lovable. [51:07.040 -> 51:12.440] So are you still doing Mel, are you still doing all those things that left you in that [51:12.440 -> 51:15.920] difficult state when you started high-fiving yourself in the mirror? [51:15.920 -> 51:16.920] Yeah. [51:16.920 -> 51:22.120] Or has this changed the way you act and helped you readdress the life that took you there? [51:22.120 -> 51:23.200] It's a great question. [51:23.200 -> 51:27.460] So it is profoundly, fundamentally a total 180 [51:27.460 -> 51:29.520] in terms of the experience of being with myself. [51:29.520 -> 51:31.200] I actually don't even see a body. [51:31.200 -> 51:32.720] I don't criticize myself. [51:32.720 -> 51:34.880] I see somebody that I cheer for, full stop. [51:34.880 -> 51:38.760] Just like your children, you would never, [51:38.760 -> 51:41.160] it doesn't matter how much weight they lose or gain, [51:41.160 -> 51:43.080] or it doesn't matter if they get fired from their, [51:43.080 -> 51:44.520] like you might be disappointed, [51:44.520 -> 51:45.280] you never stop loving disappointed, you never stop [51:45.280 -> 51:47.840] loving them and you never stop cheering for them. [51:47.840 -> 51:50.800] It's that relationship that you create with yourself. [51:50.800 -> 51:55.440] I don't ever have a thought that is a teardown of my kid. [51:55.440 -> 51:56.840] Do they frustrate me? [51:56.840 -> 51:58.360] Yes. [51:58.360 -> 51:59.880] Do they make me angry? [51:59.880 -> 52:00.840] Yes. [52:00.840 -> 52:03.040] Do they disappoint me and annoy me? [52:03.040 -> 52:03.900] Yes. [52:03.900 -> 52:05.020] Do they piss me off? [52:05.020 -> 52:09.200] Yes, do I ever stop loving them, supporting them, [52:09.200 -> 52:11.360] celebrating, cheering for them? [52:11.360 -> 52:16.160] Never, I now have that relationship with myself. [52:16.160 -> 52:18.100] And does jealousy come up? [52:18.100 -> 52:19.520] You better believe it does. [52:19.520 -> 52:20.840] Do I find myself people pleading? [52:20.840 -> 52:22.160] Do I want you two to like me? [52:22.160 -> 52:23.680] Yes, I do. [52:23.680 -> 52:25.280] Am I gonna lie to make that happen? [52:25.280 -> 52:27.480] No, I'm gonna catch myself. [52:27.480 -> 52:29.480] All of those feelings come up. [52:30.560 -> 52:32.280] All of that, like throughout the day, [52:32.280 -> 52:33.900] it's impossible to go through your day [52:33.900 -> 52:35.300] and not have a negative thought [52:35.300 -> 52:37.960] and not have something happen that takes you down [52:37.960 -> 52:39.280] and not have something happen [52:39.280 -> 52:41.540] that has you aim it back at yourself. [52:41.540 -> 52:44.760] The difference is, I so have my own back [52:44.760 -> 52:48.700] that I'm like, there I am, I'm jealous of these guys again. [52:48.700 -> 52:50.900] I catch myself, because you can feel [52:50.900 -> 52:53.340] what it feels like to go low energy. [52:53.340 -> 52:55.680] And I go, there I go again, I'm just doing that thing. [52:55.680 -> 52:58.540] And then I flip it back into a high five attitude, [52:58.540 -> 53:01.300] which when it comes to jealousy and comparison, [53:01.300 -> 53:03.700] I go, oh, interesting, there it is again. [53:03.700 -> 53:06.360] Pay attention to it, stop blocking that desire [53:06.360 -> 53:07.840] and get to work, Mel. [53:07.840 -> 53:09.440] So let's just pause there, Mel, [53:09.440 -> 53:12.160] because I think you're talking about that emotion [53:12.160 -> 53:14.960] of jealousy, and one of my favorite chapters in your book [53:14.960 -> 53:18.600] was where you argue that jealousy is a good thing. [53:18.600 -> 53:19.440] Yeah. [53:19.440 -> 53:22.680] So your explanation of it and your argument was fascinating. [53:22.680 -> 53:25.120] Would you mind sharing that for our listeners? [53:25.840 -> 53:31.600] Well first tell me what did you get from it? Because I think you got something from it. That was a bit of a breakthrough [53:32.320 -> 53:38.400] I really like the idea that you identified that there's a message coming for you. So when you say that [53:39.280 -> 53:44.480] So you might see somebody say it might be somebody with a great physique and you feel jealous of them [53:44.560 -> 53:46.280] And then you say what is it telling me? [53:46.280 -> 53:51.440] Well, it's that I want to have a physique like that and therefore I need to think about [53:51.440 -> 53:54.200] how I can start working harder for it. [53:54.200 -> 53:59.440] So it was just a really interesting way of framing what is often seen as a negative emotion. [53:59.440 -> 54:00.960] Yeah, Damien. [54:00.960 -> 54:01.960] Excellent. [54:01.960 -> 54:03.180] It could also mean this. [54:03.180 -> 54:05.120] It could also mean that you don't want the physique, [54:05.120 -> 54:08.400] but you actually would wish that you would respect your body a little bit more. [54:08.960 -> 54:11.280] You wish you would take your health a little bit more seriously. [54:12.240 -> 54:17.840] Jealousy is a really interesting phenomenon because it's an emotion that is deeply personal. [54:18.640 -> 54:26.280] Number one, it is impossible to be jealous of someone or something that you don't authentically [54:26.280 -> 54:27.700] desire. [54:27.700 -> 54:35.360] For example, I'm not the least bit jealous of anybody who owns a magnificent penthouse [54:35.360 -> 54:40.360] apartment in New York City because I do not want to live there right now. [54:40.360 -> 54:44.520] I don't feel a thing other than good for you, nice apartment. [54:44.520 -> 54:50.400] I don't feel anything because that's not meant for me right now. [54:50.400 -> 54:52.760] Jealousy is deeply personal. [54:52.760 -> 54:57.560] The issue with jealousy is when you don't understand what it is. [54:57.560 -> 55:01.780] Jealousy is just like it's a direction on a map of your life. [55:01.780 -> 55:05.440] Jealousy tries to get you to pay attention to something that you want. [55:10.400 -> 55:16.640] If you're jealous of somebody who, for example, has a brand new kitchen, this used to happen to me all the time when I was like, I didn't know any of this stuff, I would get consumed with [55:16.640 -> 55:22.320] jealousy every time we'd go to somebody's house who was nicer than Chris and mine, or every time [55:22.320 -> 55:28.100] somebody went on a nice vacation that we could not afford when we were in the restaurant business and just had no money. [55:28.100 -> 55:32.580] Of course, I would channel my jealousy by aiming it at my husband and screaming at him [55:32.580 -> 55:35.300] for not being more successful. [55:35.300 -> 55:41.500] When I started to unpack the jealousy, I realized for real that it wasn't about doing a renovation [55:41.500 -> 55:45.820] at our house and it wasn't actually about going on vacation. [55:45.820 -> 55:48.880] It was about the fact that I really longed [55:48.880 -> 55:50.720] to have a freedom to do those things. [55:50.720 -> 55:55.720] I had an ambition in me that I was not tapping into. [55:57.200 -> 56:00.280] I was not giving myself permission to feel. [56:00.280 -> 56:03.940] And so when you feel jealous, just as Damien explained, [56:03.940 -> 56:05.840] and of course, I'm talking about things that are like, [56:05.840 -> 56:08.040] you know, values, don't, I'm not talking about cheating. [56:08.040 -> 56:09.880] I'm not talking about like longing [56:09.880 -> 56:11.760] for somebody else's spouse. [56:11.760 -> 56:13.920] Even if that's the case, unpack it. [56:13.920 -> 56:16.500] Is it because they're in partnership? [56:16.500 -> 56:18.880] Is it because of the way they treat each other? [56:18.880 -> 56:22.260] Like, what is it about it that actually calls to you? [56:23.240 -> 56:27.680] And then get to work on it because the things that you're [56:27.680 -> 56:32.000] jealous of, they're actually not going to go away because they're tied to what you authentically [56:32.000 -> 56:33.000] want. [56:33.000 -> 56:36.800] So you're either going to be haunted by it and consumed by it and it's going to be at [56:36.800 -> 56:43.000] the heart of all the comparison that you struggle with or you're going to give yourself permission [56:43.000 -> 56:46.640] to turn your life toward the things that are actually pulling at you. [56:46.640 -> 56:47.640] Brilliant answers. [56:47.640 -> 56:50.320] I mean, it's so interesting to sit and listen to this. [56:50.320 -> 56:53.360] Before we move to our quickfire questions where we always finish the interview, Mel, [56:53.360 -> 56:57.400] I do want to talk really quickly about a story in your book that really stood out to me, [56:57.400 -> 57:01.800] which is when you talk about your son having blue hair when he started school and you were [57:01.800 -> 57:04.220] desperate for him not to stand out. [57:04.220 -> 57:08.600] And this is a really interesting one because the amount of teachers and parents that [57:08.600 -> 57:12.120] listen to this podcast is crazy and I think this is good for them because what we [57:12.120 -> 57:18.040] need to do is nurture individuality but without projecting our own sort of adult [57:18.040 -> 57:22.440] worries and fears onto our children. What is the answer to doing that? [57:22.440 -> 57:25.400] Well this is like a horrible story [57:25.400 -> 57:28.360] because it makes me feel like the world's worst parent. [57:28.360 -> 57:29.600] And I'll tell it to you. [57:29.600 -> 57:34.600] So our son, we found out that he had like profound dyslexia. [57:34.760 -> 57:36.120] He ends up going to a school [57:36.120 -> 57:40.200] for kids with language-based learning styles. [57:40.200 -> 57:43.000] And then he was gonna transfer back [57:43.000 -> 57:47.760] to like a regular public school in the seventh grade. [57:47.760 -> 57:54.560] At this time, he had blue hair. He loves the gamer ninja. His blue hair was so cool. I love it. [57:56.640 -> 58:01.760] As we were nearing him starting this new school, I started to get worried that if he shows up at [58:01.760 -> 58:06.400] a new school in the seventh grade with blue hair that he would [58:06.400 -> 58:14.320] get picked on and he would get bullied. And so I started to let my worries bubble over and I [58:14.320 -> 58:18.240] started to say to him, hey, you want to get a haircut before school? Hey, do you think we should [58:18.240 -> 58:25.920] cut the tips off? Hey, what do you think about the blue hair? Hey, I started to just nudge him and nudge him. [58:25.920 -> 58:29.840] And then of course, our older daughters, his older sisters pile on and like, dude, [58:29.840 -> 58:33.440] you're not going to roll into that school with blue hair. It's not like you're a star lacrosse [58:33.440 -> 58:40.000] player. You do musical theater and you play on the girls' field hockey team. I think you might [58:40.000 -> 58:46.560] want to cut your blue hair off, buddy. They literally, and we're not like, it's literally [58:46.560 -> 58:51.040] out of, pleased your God, he had just been bullied at a camp, don't let him roll into a school and [58:51.040 -> 58:58.320] have this happen again. It was all out of love. Ultimately, a couple of days before school, [58:58.320 -> 59:07.580] Oak goes, I think I want to get my hair cut. Heiesces. And upon reflection, here's what I realized. [59:08.460 -> 59:13.020] We met well, but parenting styles [59:13.020 -> 59:15.760] are often about compliance, [59:15.760 -> 59:19.960] and they're often driven by your ego [59:19.960 -> 59:24.120] and your desire to protect your kid [59:24.120 -> 59:26.720] or not have that kid or whatever and [59:27.240 -> 59:33.900] So you end up sending these messages either overtly you're not doing musical theater [59:34.440 -> 59:36.440] because of your own bullshit or [59:37.680 -> 59:39.680] You send these messages [59:39.840 -> 59:43.820] Very what's the other word subtly or not so subtly? [59:44.560 -> 59:47.100] very, what's the other word, subtly or not so subtly, because you're worried, you're protecting them, [59:47.100 -> 59:49.480] you're concerned because you don't understand them. [59:49.480 -> 59:51.400] And the message that I realized now [59:51.400 -> 59:53.480] that I was sending to him is, [59:54.680 -> 59:56.660] I'm not accepting you for who you are. [59:57.700 -> 01:00:02.700] And until you do as I say, that's when I'll like you. [01:00:03.780 -> 01:00:08.960] Until you look how I want you to look or do the activities that I want you to do, [01:00:09.240 -> 01:00:10.600] that's when you're okay. [01:00:11.100 -> 01:00:12.880] But who you are is not okay. [01:00:12.880 -> 01:00:16.040] And you got to change in order to get my approval. [01:00:16.600 -> 01:00:21.320] And you see, I think that's the heart of where we break this relationship with [01:00:21.320 -> 01:00:26.400] ourselves. We start to tell ourselves there's something wrong with me as I am, [01:00:26.960 -> 01:00:32.480] and in order to fit into this group, or in order to make my mother happy, or in order to get my [01:00:32.480 -> 01:00:40.640] dad to stop griping at me, I have to be somebody I'm not. We become our own sorting hat as a means [01:00:40.640 -> 01:00:47.240] to protect ourselves from criticism, as a means to comply and make everybody feel okay, and as a means to protect ourselves from criticism, as a means to comply and make everybody feel okay, [01:00:47.240 -> 01:00:50.400] and as a means to fit in with people. [01:00:50.400 -> 01:00:52.420] And that's where it begins. [01:00:52.420 -> 01:00:54.520] And that's why I'm so passionate about this [01:00:54.520 -> 01:00:58.520] because I feel like if you can stand in front of a mirror [01:00:58.520 -> 01:01:01.560] and see your blue hair and high-five it, [01:01:01.560 -> 01:01:03.440] it doesn't fucking matter what anybody else says, [01:01:03.440 -> 01:01:04.920] including your mother. [01:01:04.920 -> 01:01:08.360] There are kids who can't reveal their true identity because it's not [01:01:08.360 -> 01:01:14.320] safe for them to do so in their homes or in their schools. And so when you're a [01:01:14.320 -> 01:01:18.880] kid, you often don't have a choice, but there's a fundamental flaw in human [01:01:18.880 -> 01:01:23.800] wiring, which is when that kind of bullshit happens to you, no human being [01:01:23.800 -> 01:01:25.960] who's a child has the life [01:01:25.960 -> 01:01:32.560] perspective or experience or the brain wiring to be objective and go, these fricking adults [01:01:32.560 -> 01:01:33.560] are screwed up, man. [01:01:33.560 -> 01:01:34.560] Somebody call the police. [01:01:34.560 -> 01:01:38.840] If this kid's bullying me, I bet his dad's an asshole. [01:01:38.840 -> 01:01:40.840] You have no ability. [01:01:40.840 -> 01:01:46.080] Every one of us goes, there's something wrong with me. And in order to get the love and the likes [01:01:46.080 -> 01:01:50.880] and to be seen and supported for who I am, I got to hide. [01:01:50.880 -> 01:01:51.720] I got to change. [01:01:51.720 -> 01:01:52.760] I can't be myself. [01:01:52.760 -> 01:01:54.400] And that's where it begins. [01:01:54.400 -> 01:01:57.320] Can we go into what we call our quick fire round, Mel? [01:01:57.320 -> 01:01:59.360] Where we, I just ask a series of questions. [01:01:59.360 -> 01:02:01.240] So the first of those questions is, [01:02:01.240 -> 01:02:03.760] what are the three non-negotiable behaviors [01:02:03.760 -> 01:02:10.240] that you and everyone around you has to buy into? Well if it includes everybody around me [01:02:10.240 -> 01:02:16.320] you've got to be kind, you need to tell the truth about how you're feeling and [01:02:16.320 -> 01:02:20.240] you need to put your freaking dish in the dishwasher and not leave it in the [01:02:20.240 -> 01:02:25.680] sink that drives me crazy. That was brilliant. If you could go back to one period [01:02:25.680 -> 01:02:33.200] in your life, where would you choose to go to and why? I think I would go back to when I was an infant. [01:02:34.080 -> 01:02:48.780] I recently did a guided MDMA therapy session for trauma that was life-changing and There was one vision that I had of seeing little booties from a carriage and looking [01:02:48.780 -> 01:02:52.620] up at a sky, and there were all these kites in this big blue sky. [01:02:52.620 -> 01:03:01.320] I saw my mom and my dad, and they were so young and so alone. [01:03:01.320 -> 01:03:05.000] After the experience on MDMA with this trauma therapist, [01:03:05.340 -> 01:03:08.560] I called my parents and I kind of described, [01:03:08.560 -> 01:03:10.760] did we ever go to this park with kites? [01:03:10.760 -> 01:03:11.600] There was kites. [01:03:11.600 -> 01:03:14.760] And my mom's like, oh my God, yeah, that was Kansas City. [01:03:14.760 -> 01:03:17.260] And it was this stored memory. [01:03:17.260 -> 01:03:20.100] And having this experience of going back [01:03:20.100 -> 01:03:28.800] and seeing my folks so young gave me so much compassion and empathy for the stress and [01:03:28.800 -> 01:03:34.000] the emotions they must have felt as new parents. [01:03:34.000 -> 01:03:35.960] And it just really shifted things for me. [01:03:35.960 -> 01:03:39.700] So I would love to go back and just be a fly on the wall. [01:03:39.700 -> 01:03:42.640] How important is legacy to you? [01:03:42.640 -> 01:03:45.560] It's not as important as being in the moment [01:03:45.560 -> 01:03:50.260] and enjoying as much as I can of this amazing ride. [01:03:50.260 -> 01:03:53.060] Finally, your one golden rule, Mel, [01:03:53.060 -> 01:03:56.180] for our listeners and viewers [01:03:56.180 -> 01:03:58.260] to live their own high-performance life. [01:03:58.260 -> 01:04:00.420] What's your one final message to them? [01:04:00.420 -> 01:04:02.100] Don't ever leave a bathroom [01:04:02.100 -> 01:04:04.620] without high-fiving the human being you see in a mirror. [01:04:04.620 -> 01:04:09.360] Brilliant. Mel Robbins, thank you so much for taking an hour out of your day to share [01:04:09.360 -> 01:04:14.640] the incredible things that you've learned with us and I think I came into this and I [01:04:14.640 -> 01:04:19.040] had a similar mindset to a lot of us Brits, us cynical Brits thinking high-fiving yourself [01:04:19.040 -> 01:04:20.040] in the mirror. [01:04:20.040 -> 01:04:21.040] Who booked this shit? [01:04:21.040 -> 01:04:25.680] I'm kind of excited now to get my kids going tomorrow morning. [01:04:25.680 -> 01:04:28.640] So one of the rules, I don't know whether this will work, what you think of this, before [01:04:28.640 -> 01:04:31.680] you leave the house for school, we all go to the bathroom or everyone has to just go [01:04:31.680 -> 01:04:32.680] and do a high five. [01:04:32.680 -> 01:04:33.680] Let's see how it goes. [01:04:33.680 -> 01:04:34.680] Why not, right? [01:04:34.680 -> 01:04:35.680] I love it. [01:04:35.680 -> 01:04:36.680] Growth mindset and all that. [01:04:36.680 -> 01:04:37.680] Growth mindset. [01:04:37.680 -> 01:04:38.680] I love it. [01:04:38.680 -> 01:04:39.680] I love it. [01:04:39.680 -> 01:04:41.680] You know, there's a piece of research from Harvard that says that if you take an intentional [01:04:41.680 -> 01:04:45.000] moment of reflection in the morning as a leader, [01:04:45.000 -> 01:04:49.480] and you decide how you're going to show up today, it changes your level of focus and [01:04:49.480 -> 01:04:52.240] productivity and how you can impact other people. [01:04:52.240 -> 01:04:56.280] I say you take that same research and you look at the human being staring back at you [01:04:56.280 -> 01:04:59.480] and you say, how am I going to show up for that person? [01:04:59.480 -> 01:05:00.480] And it's going to change everything. [01:05:00.480 -> 01:05:01.480] I love that. [01:05:01.480 -> 01:05:03.200] Amazing way to finish. [01:05:03.200 -> 01:05:04.480] Mel Robbins, thank you so much. [01:05:04.480 -> 01:05:09.800] Thank you, Mel. Thank you you guys. Damien. Jake. You know at the beginning when you were talking about [01:05:09.800 -> 01:05:15.760] the cynic, yeah? Yeah. That was basically me. I, you know, like you, I've read the book [01:05:15.760 -> 01:05:21.400] and I did, you know, I just sometimes think that life can be so complicated, [01:05:21.400 -> 01:05:25.920] problems can be so deep, people can struggle so much [01:05:25.920 -> 01:05:27.880] that I found myself reading the book thinking, [01:05:27.880 -> 01:05:29.400] well, looking in the mirror and putting you out [01:05:29.400 -> 01:05:31.440] on the glass is gonna make a difference. [01:05:31.440 -> 01:05:33.600] But now I talk to you after an hour [01:05:33.600 -> 01:05:35.440] of being in Mel's company, not only is she like, [01:05:35.440 -> 01:05:39.320] obviously, full of amazing energy and belief and things, [01:05:39.320 -> 01:05:41.400] but now I find myself thinking, well, [01:05:41.400 -> 01:05:43.240] why was I thinking that in the first place? [01:05:43.240 -> 01:05:45.840] I spend my life on this podcast and I spent my life [01:05:45.840 -> 01:05:49.600] talking to my kids and my friends and my family saying, hey, growth mindset, hey, try anything, [01:05:49.600 -> 01:05:55.200] hey, have an open mind. Why would you close off any possibilities? So why did I find myself having [01:05:55.200 -> 01:06:01.280] that thought when I first read her book? You know? I think it's a shared reaction, Jake. I [01:06:01.280 -> 01:06:05.240] certainly had the same as well. And I think some of it, when I reflect on it, like listening to Iawn, rwy'n credu bod rhai o'r cwmni, wrth fy nghymryd arno, [01:06:05.240 -> 01:06:07.760] fel clywed Mel, [01:06:07.760 -> 01:06:10.240] nad yw'n gallu bod yn haws. [01:06:10.240 -> 01:06:13.520] Y cynhyrch o, yw hwn yn un cymryd, [01:06:13.520 -> 01:06:17.640] neu yw hwn yn ffad, ac rwy'n cael ymdrech i'r math hwn o feddwl. [01:06:17.640 -> 01:06:20.040] Roedd ychydig o cynhyrch, [01:06:20.040 -> 01:06:22.840] ond yr hyn rwy'n mwynhau am ei llyfr a'i gysylltiad oedd [01:06:22.840 -> 01:06:24.840] yw bod yna wyddoniaeth gwirioneddol o'i chyd, [01:06:24.840 -> 01:06:29.920] ac weithiau ddim ando fod yn anodd. Ac hefyd, rydw i'n gofyn i mi fynd i'r cwestiwn, [01:06:29.920 -> 01:06:33.840] beth yw'r pwysau a allai ddigwydd? Rydych chi'n cynnig a ddim yn gweithio, fel dweudwch chi, [01:06:33.840 -> 01:06:37.600] rydych chi'n ymddangos yn yr un le oeddwch chi os ydych chi'r cynnig sydd ddim wedi cynnig. [01:06:38.320 -> 01:06:42.960] Ond rydych chi'n gweld, y gwybodaeth mwyaf, nesaf, y gwybodaeth mwyaf cyffredinol y gallwn ei ddod a'ch [01:06:42.960 -> 01:06:46.240] gweld ar eich cymdeithasau hefyd, yw bobl sy'n cael cysylltiad gyda ni i ddweud wrthym almost the most common message that we get, and you'll see it as well on your socials, is people getting in touch with us to tell us [01:06:46.240 -> 01:06:48.880] that this podcast has changed their life, right? [01:06:48.880 -> 01:06:50.560] Every one of those messages frustrates me [01:06:50.560 -> 01:06:53.200] because we haven't changed those people's lives. [01:06:53.200 -> 01:06:55.420] They have done it themselves. [01:06:55.420 -> 01:06:57.280] And what I love about Mel's message is that I think [01:06:57.280 -> 01:06:59.800] if there's one thing that we are all absolutely crap at [01:06:59.800 -> 01:07:02.680] still, it is talking to ourselves [01:07:02.680 -> 01:07:03.920] and it's giving ourselves credit [01:07:03.920 -> 01:07:05.000] for the things that we've done. And those people that send us messages saying, it's brilliant, my life has been changed. yw siarad â phobl ac yn rhoi credyd i'r pethau rydyn ni wedi'u wneud. [01:07:05.000 -> 01:07:07.000] Ac mae'r bobl sy'n rhoi'r adroddiadau i ni o'u bod yn dweud, [01:07:07.000 -> 01:07:09.000] mae fy bywyd wedi cael newid. [01:07:09.000 -> 01:07:11.000] Nid oes gennym gwaith dda ennill, [01:07:11.000 -> 01:07:13.000] oherwydd maen nhw wedi clywed y podcast hwn, [01:07:13.000 -> 01:07:14.000] sy'n teimlo bod pobeth yn dda, [01:07:14.000 -> 01:07:16.000] ond nid oes wedi sylwi eu bod yn y rhesym. [01:07:16.000 -> 01:07:18.000] Mae popeth yn dda, nid ydyn ni. [01:07:18.000 -> 01:07:23.000] Yn wir, mae pobl yn gwneud penderfyniad i ddewis y podcast hwn. [01:07:23.000 -> 01:07:25.920] Mae'n gwneud penderfyniad i'w gwneud pe ei ddifrifio o'r gwrs o'u diwrnod [01:07:25.920 -> 01:07:26.800] i ffwrdd â'r penderfyniad. [01:07:26.800 -> 01:07:27.960] Ac yn unol, mae'r penderfyniad hwnnw [01:07:27.960 -> 01:07:29.360] yn ymwneud â [01:07:29.360 -> 01:07:30.720] os ydyn nhw'n mynd i ddewis unrhyw idea [01:07:30.720 -> 01:07:31.880] a wneud rhywbeth gyda'i gilydd, [01:07:31.880 -> 01:07:33.560] nid yw unrhyw un yn gallu gwneud hynny. [01:07:33.560 -> 01:07:34.760] Mae'n ymwneud â'r penderfyniadau [01:07:34.760 -> 01:07:35.800] y maen nhw'n eu gwneud [01:07:35.800 -> 01:07:37.880] ar bob un o'r ymddygiadau hynny, [01:07:37.880 -> 01:07:40.440] sy'n y gwahaniaeth o [01:07:40.440 -> 01:07:41.640] bod yn perfformwr fawr [01:07:41.640 -> 01:07:43.680] a bod yn ymddangos yma. [01:07:43.680 -> 01:07:44.600] Rwy'n hoffi'r pwynt final, [01:07:44.600 -> 01:07:46.800] mae'r ffigur hwnnw wedi cael ei gosod gyda mi [01:07:46.800 -> 01:07:48.800] o ran y penderfyniad o ran rydych chi'n rhannu marathon [01:07:48.800 -> 01:07:50.200] a bod rhywun ar y ffyrdd, [01:07:50.200 -> 01:07:53.960] yn cyfrifol atoch a'ch arwain yn y byd y byddwch chi'n ychydig yn ymgyrchu. [01:07:53.960 -> 01:07:56.720] Gydag ef, rwy'n gwneud ychydig ohonyn nhw fy hun. [01:07:56.720 -> 01:07:59.640] Rwy'n ymdrech i chi o'r hyn y mae eich gweithio'n ei ddweud o'r hyn y mae pobl yn eich hyrwyddo [01:07:59.640 -> 01:08:00.840] a'ch hyrwyddo arnoch chi, [01:08:00.840 -> 01:08:01.880] y gwahaniaeth y mae'n ei wneud, [01:08:01.880 -> 01:08:04.320] a'r penderfyniad o wneud hynny i chi [01:08:04.320 -> 01:08:09.760] ar ddechrau'r diwrnod, mae'n metaforaeth ddangwych. Un o'r cwestiynau ffavoriadol i bobl yw [01:08:09.760 -> 01:08:16.480] parth y gysylltiwch chi'n fwyaf, ac maen nhw bob amser yn dweud fy nhermau, neu fy nhermau, yna maen nhw'n dweud eu plai, [01:08:16.480 -> 01:08:20.080] ac yna maen nhw'n dweud eu gweithgareddau a yna maen nhw'n gwella eu ffrindiau, ac bob amser, [01:08:20.080 -> 01:08:23.520] rwy'n hoffi, rwy'n dweud bod pob un o'r cyfrifiadau hynny'n iawn, oherwydd y person rydych chi'n siarad [01:08:23.520 -> 01:08:27.960] gyda'i fwy na unrhyw un eraill yw chi, ac rwy'n meddwl y byddai'n lle i ddechrau, I love it. I say every single one of those answers is wrong because the person you talk to more than anyone else is yourself And I still think that's almost the place we need to begin [01:08:27.960 -> 01:08:34.080] We have to understand before we can understand the power or the impact of something like the high-five habit [01:08:34.080 -> 01:08:41.320] We have to understand that self-talk is so common so popular and we get it wrong so often or we just simply don't do it [01:08:41.320 -> 01:08:43.320] Well, there we go. Damien. I'm off to the mirror [01:08:44.720 -> 01:08:46.340] I'm going to mine as well. [01:08:46.340 -> 01:08:47.180] So thanks, James. [01:08:47.180 -> 01:08:48.000] Why not? [01:08:48.000 -> 01:08:48.840] Why not? [01:08:48.840 -> 01:08:49.680] I'll let you know how we go. [01:08:49.680 -> 01:08:51.700] And again, huge thanks to Mel for giving up her time [01:08:51.700 -> 01:08:52.740] to come and talk to us. [01:08:52.740 -> 01:08:55.700] You know, how can you fail to be inspired by someone [01:08:55.700 -> 01:08:57.900] with such belief and energy and passion? [01:09:01.580 -> 01:09:03.700] Hey, Damien, we've had some amazing reaction, you know, [01:09:03.700 -> 01:09:06.480] this week to the Mark Cavendish episode. [01:09:06.480 -> 01:09:10.040] There's a lovely message here saying, struck too many chords. [01:09:10.040 -> 01:09:13.800] Can only thank you for the platform for a conversation like this and for being part [01:09:13.800 -> 01:09:16.840] of breaking the stigma around these discussions about mental health. [01:09:16.840 -> 01:09:20.520] Many people will have felt heard and seen through his words. [01:09:20.520 -> 01:09:21.520] Thank you. [01:09:21.520 -> 01:09:22.520] That's from Pooja on Instagram. [01:09:22.520 -> 01:09:27.440] And I shared a comment that came in Damien on my Instagram from someone saying that the feelings that [01:09:27.440 -> 01:09:30.840] Mark Cavendish was describing, you know when he spoke about little things [01:09:30.840 -> 01:09:34.760] annoying him like his kids talking or his wife walking around the house, a guy [01:09:34.760 -> 01:09:39.240] got in touch and said that is exactly how I feel and I just thought that it [01:09:39.240 -> 01:09:42.480] was me not being very nice, I didn't even consider that maybe I've got a mental [01:09:42.480 -> 01:09:49.440] health problem and he's gone to see his GP because of listening to that podcast and I think that what more can you ask other than helping people in that way, right? nid ydyn ni'n meddwl efallai mai gen i broblem iechyd mentrol, ac mae wedi mynd i weld ei GP oherwydd mwyn cofio'r podcast hwnnw, ac rwy'n credu y gallwch chi gofyn beth mwy na helpu pobl yn y ffordd honno, [01:09:49.440 -> 01:09:54.480] iawn? Yn unig, rwy'n credu os yw hynny'n ymddangos i unrhyw ffordd i unrhyw un o'r bobl sy'n clywed hyn, [01:09:54.480 -> 01:10:00.400] daw pleidiau. Mae help yno, oherwydd yw Mynd, neu rhai o'r arall gyfrifiadurau ddiddorol [01:10:00.400 -> 01:10:06.000] yn gwneud gwaith yn y ddeg hwn, daw pleidiau i yma, dweud y gwaith yma, dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:06.000 -> 01:10:08.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:08.000 -> 01:10:10.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:10.000 -> 01:10:12.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:12.000 -> 01:10:14.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:14.000 -> 01:10:16.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:16.000 -> 01:10:18.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:18.000 -> 01:10:20.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:20.000 -> 01:10:22.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:22.000 -> 01:10:24.000] dweud y gwaith yma, [01:10:24.000 -> 01:10:25.000] dweud y gwaith yma, dweud y ddau o'r cyngor yma, a'r cyngor yma, a'r cyngor yma, a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:25.000 -> 01:10:26.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:26.000 -> 01:10:27.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:27.000 -> 01:10:28.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:28.000 -> 01:10:29.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:29.000 -> 01:10:30.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:30.000 -> 01:10:31.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:31.000 -> 01:10:32.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:32.000 -> 01:10:33.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:33.000 -> 01:10:34.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:34.000 -> 01:10:35.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:35.000 -> 01:10:36.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:36.000 -> 01:10:37.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:37.000 -> 01:10:38.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:38.000 -> 01:10:39.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:39.000 -> 01:10:40.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:40.000 -> 01:10:41.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:41.000 -> 01:10:42.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:42.000 -> 01:10:43.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:43.000 -> 01:10:44.000] a'r cyngor yma, [01:10:44.000 -> 01:10:45.520] a'r cyngor yma, a'r cyngor yma, a'r cyngor yma, a'r cy yn unig. Rwy'n credu bod y cwôn Matthew McConaughey [01:10:45.520 -> 01:10:47.600] yn ymddangos yma, Jake, ar y ffordd, [01:10:47.600 -> 01:10:48.720] ddim yn rhedeg unrhyw crwmau. [01:10:48.720 -> 01:10:50.960] Ac rwy'n credu, o ran Mark [01:10:50.960 -> 01:10:52.480] a'r rhan fwyaf o ddod â'i gilydd, [01:10:52.480 -> 01:10:53.600] na fydd crwmau arno i hi. [01:10:53.600 -> 01:10:54.240] Na fydd... [01:10:54.240 -> 01:10:55.480] Mae'n cael ei gilio o'i gynllun [01:10:55.480 -> 01:10:56.480] ac felly gall e [01:10:56.480 -> 01:10:58.480] fod yn unigol iawn [01:10:58.480 -> 01:10:59.680] a fod yn y bobl [01:10:59.680 -> 01:11:00.880] sydd. [01:11:00.880 -> 01:11:02.800] Ac mae hynny'n unig peth da. [01:11:02.800 -> 01:11:04.320] Ac mae cwôn da yma [01:11:04.320 -> 01:11:06.240] sydd wedi dod i ni o Adrian. Briliant gwaith, Jake a Damien. And the nice quote here that came in to us from Adrian, [01:11:06.240 -> 01:11:08.520] brilliant work, Jake and Damien, keep them coming. [01:11:08.520 -> 01:11:10.380] I've never ever listened to a podcast before [01:11:10.380 -> 01:11:11.340] then I found you guys. [01:11:11.340 -> 01:11:13.440] I've actually started to go back and listen [01:11:13.440 -> 01:11:14.980] to some of my favourite ones again, [01:11:14.980 -> 01:11:17.740] Rio and Steven Gerrard, I loved. [01:11:17.740 -> 01:11:19.500] I talk a lot about my non-negotiables now [01:11:19.500 -> 01:11:21.060] to my six and seven year old boys [01:11:21.060 -> 01:11:22.360] when it comes to playing sport [01:11:22.360 -> 01:11:24.560] and both my boys have their non-negotiables [01:11:24.560 -> 01:11:28.880] which are focus, attitude and energy. Love that kind of feedback. [01:11:28.880 -> 01:11:32.560] Yeah well that reminds me of when Kevin Sinfield told us that in any [01:11:32.560 -> 01:11:36.800] situation he always keeps his ace card in the back pocket which stands for his [01:11:36.800 -> 01:11:41.640] attitude, his composure and bringing positive energy to any situation. [01:11:41.640 -> 01:11:43.960] Well I'm really pleased to say that we're joined by another listener to High [01:11:43.960 -> 01:11:46.800] Performance who sent us a message just to let us know [01:11:46.800 -> 01:11:48.280] how much the podcast has helped her [01:11:48.280 -> 01:11:49.640] and we thought it'd be really cool [01:11:49.640 -> 01:11:50.600] just to have a quick chat with her. [01:11:50.600 -> 01:11:53.000] So welcome, Lara, how are you? [01:11:53.000 -> 01:11:55.720] I'm well, thank you, I'm very well, how are you? [01:11:55.720 -> 01:11:58.840] Yeah, we're in good form, thanks, very good indeed. [01:11:58.840 -> 01:12:00.080] So let's get straight to it then. [01:12:00.080 -> 01:12:01.520] What was life like for you [01:12:01.520 -> 01:12:04.080] just before you discovered High Performance? [01:12:05.600 -> 01:12:12.960] Well, similar to today's weather, pretty dark, pretty damp, pretty, I was pretty withdrawn from [01:12:12.960 -> 01:12:19.120] myself. I was working in a job I was made redundant from a dream job of mine during COVID and was [01:12:19.120 -> 01:12:26.600] lucky enough to find a job that kept me in employment, but it wasn't really fulfilling me in any way. [01:12:26.600 -> 01:12:31.800] The only blessing really was that I had a two-hour commute each side of things and being [01:12:31.800 -> 01:12:35.480] sat in the car, I thought I'd use that time a little bit more wisely because I was just [01:12:35.480 -> 01:12:37.320] sat listening to the radio. [01:12:37.320 -> 01:12:41.960] And I sort of ventured into the world of podcasts, which to be honest, I had never listened to [01:12:41.960 -> 01:12:43.280] before. [01:12:43.280 -> 01:12:45.520] Came across the High Performance podcast because [01:12:45.520 -> 01:12:49.520] from the outside looking in, it looked like it was going to be something that was going to sort [01:12:49.520 -> 01:12:55.440] of help me focus and I could maybe learn a few things along the way. And I can't remember which [01:12:55.440 -> 01:13:02.960] one I listened to first, but I just devoured them all. What I found so engaging and interesting was [01:13:02.960 -> 01:13:08.560] it doesn't matter whether you're from a sporting background or a business background or, you know, who you are, [01:13:08.560 -> 01:13:09.200] what you're doing. [01:13:09.200 -> 01:13:12.960] There's so many things that you can learn from individuals that have been [01:13:12.960 -> 01:13:15.400] successful in their field. However you define that. [01:13:15.840 -> 01:13:19.720] Well, thank you, Laura, for listening. I mean, from Jake and myself and the whole [01:13:19.720 -> 01:13:23.080] team, it's a real privilege when we hear that, uh, [01:13:23.080 -> 01:13:26.240] that people make the time and choose to listen to us. So what'd you tell us? Mae'n ddiddorol iawn pan ddweudon ni bod pobl yn gwneud y tro ac yn dewis i ni ffwrdd. [01:13:26.240 -> 01:13:29.640] Felly, a ydych chi'n dweud wrthym, beth oedd y podcast i chi? [01:13:29.640 -> 01:13:31.800] Pa oedd y math o'r adroddiadau y gafodd chi eu helpu? [01:13:32.840 -> 01:13:35.000] Felly, rwy'n credu, [01:13:35.000 -> 01:13:38.080] mae fy mhaer yn seiliedig ar gyfer busnes y clasig a'r sport. [01:13:38.240 -> 01:13:40.800] Ac er mwyn ei weithio, [01:13:40.800 -> 01:13:42.240] wel, er mwyn ei gyrraedd y busnes, [01:13:42.240 -> 01:13:44.000] dweud wrthym, Laura, daw i, [01:13:44.000 -> 01:13:45.000] daw i i weithio gyda fi. Dwi'n mor bwysig, gallaf ei wneud gyda'r ddau o mwyn i'r ffynonellau ddweud hyn, rydw i wedi bod yn gweithio, well, er mwyn i'r ffynonellau dweud hyn, ar gyfer y busnes hwn, [01:13:45.000 -> 01:13:46.000] a dweud i mi, [01:13:46.000 -> 01:13:47.000] Lara, dewch i mewn, [01:13:47.000 -> 01:13:48.000] dewch i weithio gyda fi, [01:13:48.000 -> 01:13:49.000] rydw i'n mor bwysig, [01:13:49.000 -> 01:13:51.000] gallais gwneud hyn gyda'r ddau o ffyrdd o ffyrdd, [01:13:51.000 -> 01:13:52.000] ac nid wyf eisiau bod yn [01:13:52.000 -> 01:13:53.000] dau Ashley Nicholls [01:13:53.000 -> 01:13:55.000] a gweithio yma oherwydd [01:13:55.000 -> 01:13:56.000] roeddwn i'n ei ddau. [01:13:56.000 -> 01:13:58.000] Roeddwn i eisiau cael fy nghyd-dreuliad fy hun [01:13:58.000 -> 01:13:59.000] ac roeddwn i'n teimlo [01:13:59.000 -> 01:14:00.000] fel bod mynd allan i'r gweithle [01:14:00.000 -> 01:14:01.000] a gweithio ar gyfer gwahanol ffyrdd [01:14:01.000 -> 01:14:02.000] a gwahanol ffynonellau [01:14:02.000 -> 01:14:03.000] yn y ffordd i wneud hynny [01:14:03.000 -> 01:14:04.000] er mwyn i ddewis i gyd [01:14:04.000 -> 01:14:05.400] a gweithio yma. Ond roeddwn i bob amser yn caithio yma, ond roeddwn i'n dod at y cyfle [01:14:05.400 -> 01:14:10.300] o ddweud, nid yw'r amser ar gyfer y gwir, dad, byddwn yn ei wneud, ond mae angen i ni [01:14:10.300 -> 01:14:14.900] arwain ar y cyfnod cywir. A rwy'n credu bod yn y car, yn mynd i'r swydd [01:14:14.900 -> 01:14:19.900] nad oedd yn fy ngwthio'n unigol, yn mynd i'r gwrs i bobl sy'n gwneud y gwir [01:14:19.900 -> 01:14:26.000] i chi bob tro nad oes unrhyw gyfnod perffectus, mae'n rhaid i chi fod yn dda iawn i fynd ato. [01:14:26.000 -> 01:14:31.000] Mae'n rhaid i mi ddeall, ie, mae'n ffuriol ac mae'n ymwybodol, [01:14:31.000 -> 01:14:33.000] ond mae'r cwôt clich o, ydych chi'n gwybod, [01:14:33.000 -> 01:14:36.000] bydd bywyd yn dechrau ar ddiwedd eich lle o'ch cymorth, [01:14:36.000 -> 01:14:40.000] ac mae'n cymryd llawer o ffocs a threfn, [01:14:40.000 -> 01:14:41.000] ond, yn ddiweddar, rwy'n credu, [01:14:41.000 -> 01:14:44.000] meddwl bod clywed y mathau o'r podcastau hynny [01:14:44.000 -> 01:14:46.460] yn unig, ie, yn ff sorts of podcasts were just pivotal, really, [01:14:46.460 -> 01:14:51.180] and just changing my mindset a bit and being brave enough to make the leap. [01:14:51.180 -> 01:14:55.740] So was there any particular interview that stands out for you? [01:14:55.740 -> 01:15:02.060] A couple. I think the one with James Timpson, where he talks a lot about empathy within [01:15:02.060 -> 01:15:06.580] the workplace, because I think that was something that I hadn't really [01:15:06.580 -> 01:15:08.520] come across within the workplace. [01:15:08.520 -> 01:15:10.600] But another one that really sort of springs to mind [01:15:10.600 -> 01:15:12.600] is Toto Wolf, obviously being within [01:15:12.600 -> 01:15:14.240] the automotive industry. [01:15:14.240 -> 01:15:15.960] I thought everything that he said was, [01:15:15.960 -> 01:15:18.960] I was sort of hanging off of every word on that podcast. [01:15:18.960 -> 01:15:19.800] Brilliant. [01:15:19.800 -> 01:15:21.680] Look, I can't tell you how great it is for us [01:15:21.680 -> 01:15:23.480] because, you know, we sit and make these podcasts, [01:15:23.480 -> 01:15:24.760] we hope people listen to them, [01:15:24.760 -> 01:15:28.740] and we know that we get a lot of listeners but what really matters to us [01:15:28.740 -> 01:15:32.220] is the impact we're having so for you to have kind of changed the way you've operated in [01:15:32.220 -> 01:15:36.800] your whole life based on listening to our podcasts is amazing for us and to come on [01:15:36.800 -> 01:15:41.340] here and share it so that other people can hear that and realise that it's fine to listen [01:15:41.340 -> 01:15:44.420] but you have to then take action with the things you've learned is I think the key thing [01:15:44.420 -> 01:15:49.840] isn't it? Yeah absolutely, no I can't thank you enough and when I messaged you on [01:15:49.840 -> 01:15:54.320] Instagram to be honest I thought I'd better just let you know whether you read it or not at least [01:15:54.320 -> 01:15:58.800] I've you know put the message out there but genuinely a massive thank you for all of the [01:15:58.800 -> 01:16:05.680] hard work and stuff that you do on the podcast. Oh, diolch. Mae hynny'n wirioneddol ddau. Ac yn wir, fel y dweudais yn ôl, yn wir yn cael ei chroesawu [01:16:05.680 -> 01:16:06.360] gan ganddyn ni i gyd. [01:16:06.360 -> 01:16:08.080] Felly, diolch. [01:16:08.080 -> 01:16:09.000] Oh, Damien. [01:16:09.000 -> 01:16:09.880] Pa fawr o ddame. [01:16:09.880 -> 01:16:10.840] Ac pa mor dda i clywed [01:16:10.840 -> 01:16:11.920] y math o'r cymorth hwnnw? [01:16:11.920 -> 01:16:12.920] Ie, dwi'n credu'n aml [01:16:12.920 -> 01:16:13.920] bod y podcast yn [01:16:13.920 -> 01:16:14.760] fel pan rydych chi'n rhoi [01:16:14.760 -> 01:16:16.080] plant allan i'r byd [01:16:16.080 -> 01:16:16.920] ac mewn nifer o ffyrdd [01:16:16.920 -> 01:16:17.760] mae'n rhaid iddyn nhw [01:16:17.760 -> 01:16:19.120] dod ar eu tŷ. [01:16:19.120 -> 01:16:19.840] Felly mae'n bob amser [01:16:19.840 -> 01:16:20.400] dda iawn [01:16:20.400 -> 01:16:21.000] sut rydych chi'n clywed [01:16:21.000 -> 01:16:22.200] bod yn cael [01:16:22.200 -> 01:16:22.920] eu gwybodaethau, [01:16:22.920 -> 01:16:23.640] yn ysgrifennu ato [01:16:23.640 -> 01:16:24.680] i rhywbeth [01:16:24.680 -> 01:16:28.480] yn positif a'n dynolol ar gyfer eich hun ac yna'n gweithio ato ac yn gwneud rhywbeth gyda rydych chi'n clywed bod e wedi cymryd eu gwybodaethau, yn ysgrifennu ato i rhai pwysig a thangible ar ei hun, ac yna wedi'i ddatblygu a wneud rhywbeth gyda'i. [01:16:28.480 -> 01:16:32.800] Mae'n anhygoel i'w ddod o'r ffordd. Mae'n dda. Felly, os ydych chi wedi [01:16:32.800 -> 01:16:35.600] clywed Mel, ac mae'n y cyntaf podcast o gynhyrchion cyffredin, os ydych chi wedi mwynhau, [01:16:35.600 -> 01:16:37.680] os ydych chi wedi bod gyda ni o'r dechrau, [01:16:37.680 -> 01:16:45.360] yn ddiweddarach, yn ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n ddiweddarach, sy'n almost two years ago now, would you believe? It's lovely to have your company. If you wanna get your hands on our new book, [01:16:45.360 -> 01:16:46.560] it's out on the 9th of December, [01:16:46.560 -> 01:16:49.000] but you can pre-order it now, you can get signed copies, [01:16:49.000 -> 01:16:51.240] just hit the link in the description to this podcast. [01:16:51.240 -> 01:16:52.800] You can come and see us live in Bristol [01:16:52.800 -> 01:16:54.960] on December the 14th. [01:16:54.960 -> 01:16:56.320] But wherever you are in your life, [01:16:56.320 -> 01:16:57.320] wherever you're up to today, [01:16:57.320 -> 01:16:59.600] whichever country you're in listening to this podcast, [01:16:59.600 -> 01:17:02.760] thank you so much for spending just an hour or so [01:17:02.760 -> 01:17:05.080] to come and join us and to see if we can alter [01:17:05.080 -> 01:17:10.580] your mindset or help you in some way. As always, huge, huge thanks to the whole team behind [01:17:10.580 -> 01:17:15.040] the High Performance podcast, our founding partner Lotus Cars, of course. Thanks to Finn [01:17:15.040 -> 01:17:20.080] Ryan at Rethink Audio for his hard work, to Will, to Hannah, to Eve, of course to Professor [01:17:20.080 -> 01:17:26.520] Damien Hughes. You can find us across Instagram, you can watch us on YouTube, you can get us wherever you get your podcasts, [01:17:26.520 -> 01:17:29.060] but whatever you do, keep on coming back for more, [01:17:29.060 -> 01:17:31.480] because every single episode, there's new learnings, [01:17:31.480 -> 01:17:34.300] there's new takeaways, and there's new lessons. [01:17:34.300 -> 01:18:05.480] Wherever you are, have a great day. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. [01:18:05.480 -> 01:18:09.640] Here's a show that we recommend. [01:18:09.640 -> 01:18:13.520] Democracy is hanging on by a thread and misinformation is everywhere. [01:18:13.520 -> 01:18:17.240] I'm a political analyst and columnist, Danielle Moody. [01:18:17.240 -> 01:18:19.040] And I'm Ryder Wajahat Ali. [01:18:19.040 -> 01:18:23.400] And we've come together to lead you away from the lies and out of the gaslight. [01:18:23.400 -> 01:18:25.540] This is Democracy Ish. [01:18:25.540 -> 01:18:27.080] Black and brown people already knew [01:18:27.080 -> 01:18:30.380] that there were multiple levels to our justice system, [01:18:30.380 -> 01:18:32.080] to our injustice system. [01:18:32.080 -> 01:18:35.120] And I think those of us who are willing to be nimble [01:18:35.120 -> 01:18:37.960] and flexible and stretch into being something new, [01:18:37.960 -> 01:18:41.260] I think we will be the ones who might emerge [01:18:41.260 -> 01:18:43.960] in a healthier, better way moving forward. [01:18:43.960 -> 01:18:46.840] We discuss the serious issues and threats [01:18:46.840 -> 01:18:48.760] that face our nation. [01:18:48.760 -> 01:18:52.840] Join us on Democracy-ish everywhere you get your podcasts. [01:18:55.640 -> 01:18:58.440] Acast helps creators launch, grow, [01:18:58.440 -> 01:19:01.240] and monetize their podcasts everywhere. [01:19:01.240 -> 01:19:02.400] Acast.com. [01:18:58.600 -> 01:19:02.760] everywhere. ACAS.com