E164 - Adam Grant: Why you should stop trying to prove yourself and start trying to improve yourself
The High Performance
Episode Details
Published Date
Mon, 05 Dec 2022 00:19:57 GMT
Duration
1:05:42
Explicit
False
Guests
No guests specified
Please note that the summary is generated based on the transcript and
may not capture all the nuances or details discussed in the podcast
episode.
Notes
Adam Grant is an organisational psychologist, author, professor and host of podcast ‘Work Life’. His work focuses on how people can find motivation and meaning, rethink assumptions and live more creative and generous lives.
In this episode they focus on the best way to deal with criticism and feedback, why we should be fuelling our growth instead of our ego and why Adam’s close circle is made up of ‘disagreeable givers’.
They discuss why our responses are what’s important and truly reflect who we are. Adam has been teaching for over 15 years, he shares what makes a great teacher and how to write in a way that keeps people engaged. Find out the tools Adam uses to get closer to high performance.
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Summary
**Navigating Criticism and Feedback for High Performance**
* **Seek Targeted Feedback:** Ask specific questions to gather constructive criticism from others, rather than general feedback that may not be actionable.
* **Embrace Criticism as an Opportunity:** View criticism as a chance to improve and grow, rather than a personal attack.
* **Focus on Improving, Not Proving:** Shift the focus from defending oneself to actively seeking ways to enhance performance.
* **Identify Your True Audience:** Determine whose feedback truly matters and prioritize their opinions over those of casual observers or critics.
* **Define High Performance:** Establish clear criteria for evaluating performance and use that as a benchmark for assessing feedback.
* **Prioritize Collaboration:** Collaborate with colleagues and mentors who can provide valuable insights and challenge perspectives.
* **Embrace Disagreeable Givers:** Surround yourself with individuals who are willing to offer honest and critical feedback, even if it's unpleasant to hear.
* **Cultivate a Growth Mindset:** Believe that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning, rather than being fixed traits.
* **Practice Active Listening:** Engage fully in conversations, paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues to understand the intent behind feedback.
* **Respond, Don't React:** Take time to process and reflect on feedback before responding, avoiding impulsive reactions that may be counterproductive.
* **Seek Feedback from Diverse Perspectives:** Value feedback from individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints to gain a comprehensive understanding of areas for improvement.
* **Celebrate Mistakes:** View mistakes as learning opportunities and embrace them as part of the growth process.
* **Develop a Thick Skin:** Build resilience to criticism by recognizing that not everyone will appreciate or agree with your work or ideas.
* **Focus on the Second Score:** Shift the focus from the initial negative feedback (the first score) to how you respond and improve (the second score).
* **Give Credit Where It's Due:** Acknowledge the contributions of others and recognize their role in your success.
* **Practice Gratitude:** Express appreciation for those who provide valuable feedback and support your growth.
* **Pay It Forward:** Offer constructive feedback to others in a supportive and respectful manner, helping them grow and improve.
* **Embrace Feedback as a Gift:** Recognize that feedback is a valuable gift that can help you become the best version of yourself.
**Navigating Criticism and Feedback for High Performance: Insights from Adam Grant**
**Building Strong Relationships Through Disagreeable Giving:**
- Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with "disagreeable givers" - individuals who provide constructive criticism not for personal gain but to help one grow.
- Disagreeable givers offer valuable insights and challenge one's assumptions, leading to improved performance and growth.
- The key is to ensure that criticism is delivered with the intention of helping rather than hurting, and that the recipient is open to receiving and learning from it.
**Effective Feedback Techniques:**
- Use the "19-word technique": Start feedback with a statement like "I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I'm confident that you're going to reach them." This sets a positive tone and shows belief in the recipient's potential.
- Ask for self-assessment before providing feedback: Encourage the recipient to reflect on their own performance and identify areas for improvement. This helps align their perspective with yours and makes them more receptive to your feedback.
- Use open-ended questions to encourage self-reflection: Ask questions like "What went well?" and "What were your notes for yourself?" This promotes a growth mindset and helps the recipient take ownership of their development.
**Creating a Culture of Constructive Disagreement:**
- Foster a culture where disagreement is seen as a positive force for growth and learning.
- Encourage team members to respectfully challenge each other's ideas and assumptions, leading to more innovative and well-rounded solutions.
- Set clear expectations and guidelines for constructive disagreement, ensuring that it remains respectful and focused on the issue at hand.
**Overcoming the Fear of Disagreement:**
- Challenge the notion that disagreement is always negative. View it as an opportunity for growth and learning.
- Recognize that disagreement can lead to better decision-making and outcomes, as it brings diverse perspectives and insights to the table.
- Practice disagreeing respectfully and constructively, focusing on the issue rather than the person, and avoiding personal attacks or defensiveness.
**Balancing Agreeableness and Disagreeableness:**
- Strive for a balance between agreeableness and disagreeableness. Being too agreeable can hinder constructive feedback and growth, while being overly disagreeable can create a hostile environment.
- Aim to be disagreeable when necessary, but always with the intention of helping others improve and grow.
- Remember that the goal is to create a culture of constructive disagreement where everyone feels safe to share their honest thoughts and ideas.
**Additional Insights:**
- Effective teachers are passionate about the material they teach and the students they teach. Getting to know students individually can create a strong connection and make learning more engaging.
- Writing in a way that keeps people engaged involves using relatable examples, storytelling, and asking thought-provoking questions.
- To achieve excellence in any field, it's important to build a strong connection with the audience and surprise them with unexpected insights or perspectives.
**Introduction**
- The episode focuses on dealing with criticism, fueling growth instead of ego, and the importance of having disagreeable givers in one's close circle.
**Key Points**
- **Responding to Criticism:**
- Adam Grant believes that responses to criticism reflect who we are.
- Instead of agreeing to disagree, he prefers to ask for feedback to understand where the conversation went wrong.
- This approach helps identify patterns and allows for course correction in future conversations.
- **Clarity in Relationships:**
- Clear expectations and communication are crucial for successful relationships.
- Asking "Why are you here?" helps clarify the purpose of seeking advice and ensures that the advice is relevant and valuable.
- Providing clarity on the goals of seeking advice helps others understand the context and tailor their responses accordingly.
- **Imposter Syndrome:**
- Adam Grant challenges the idea of imposter syndrome as a chronic debilitating disease.
- He believes that imposter thoughts are common and can motivate individuals to work harder, learn more, and seek feedback from others.
- Rather than viewing it as a syndrome, he suggests using imposter thoughts as fuel for growth and improvement.
- **Non-Negotiable Behaviors:**
- Adam Grant's three non-negotiable behaviors are striving for excellence, being candid with each other, and focusing on collective contribution rather than individual success.
- **Feedback in Interviews:**
- Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of asking guests for feedback after interviews.
- This practice has changed the way Damian and Jake approach their conversations, leading to more valuable insights and a deeper understanding of the guest's perspectives.
- **Setting Expectations:**
- Clear communication and setting expectations are crucial in various aspects of life, including relationships, family dynamics, and everyday interactions.
- By communicating expectations, individuals can avoid disappointment and ensure that others understand their intentions and goals.
- **Negotiation and Conversation:**
- Life is a negotiation and a two-way conversation.
- Setting the parameters of conversations and clarifying expectations helps manage the expectations of both parties and leads to more productive and fulfilling interactions.
- **High-Performance Community:**
- The High-Performance community is built on sharing stories and experiences that inspire and motivate others.
- Jermaine Blackwood, a listener who shared his journey of personal and professional growth, exemplifies the impact of the podcast on its listeners.
- His drive to better himself, despite facing challenges, highlights the importance of perseverance and the desire for continuous improvement.
- **Fault and Responsibility:**
- Jermaine Blackwood emphasizes the concept of fault and responsibility as crucial in his life.
- He believes that while external factors may be beyond one's control, responding to them positively and taking responsibility for personal actions is essential.
- This mindset helps him focus on what he can control and take proactive steps to improve his situation.
- **Key Messages from High Performance:**
- Vicky Patterson's message about self-care and prioritizing personal well-being resonated with Jermaine Blackwood.
- Robin van Persie's message about winners taking responsibility and focusing on what they can control also had a significant impact on him.
- These messages align with Jermaine's belief in personal responsibility and the importance of continuous growth and improvement.
**Conclusion**
- The podcast episode highlights the importance of clear communication, seeking feedback, and fostering a growth mindset.
- It emphasizes the value of having disagreeable givers in one's close circle and the power of a high-performance community in inspiring and motivating individuals to achieve their goals.
* **Seek Targeted Feedback:** Ask specific questions to gather constructive criticism from others, rather than general feedback that may not be actionable.
* **Embrace Criticism as an Opportunity:** View criticism as a chance to improve and grow, rather than a personal attack.
* **Focus on Improving, Not Proving:** Shift the focus from defending oneself to actively seeking ways to enhance performance.
* **Identify Your True Audience:** Determine whose feedback truly matters and prioritize their opinions over those of casual observers or critics.
* **Define High Performance:** Establish clear criteria for evaluating performance and use that as a benchmark for assessing feedback.
* **Prioritize Collaboration:** Collaborate with colleagues and mentors who can provide valuable insights and challenge perspectives.
* **Embrace Disagreeable Givers:** Surround yourself with individuals who are willing to offer honest and critical feedback, even if it's unpleasant to hear.
* **Cultivate a Growth Mindset:** Believe that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning, rather than being fixed traits.
* **Practice Active Listening:** Engage fully in conversations, paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues to understand the intent behind feedback.
* **Respond, Don't React:** Take time to process and reflect on feedback before responding, avoiding impulsive reactions that may be counterproductive.
* **Seek Feedback from Diverse Perspectives:** Value feedback from individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints to gain a comprehensive understanding of areas for improvement.
* **Celebrate Mistakes:** View mistakes as learning opportunities and embrace them as part of the growth process.
* **Develop a Thick Skin:** Build resilience to criticism by recognizing that not everyone will appreciate or agree with your work or ideas.
* **Focus on the Second Score:** Shift the focus from the initial negative feedback (the first score) to how you respond and improve (the second score).
* **Give Credit Where It's Due:** Acknowledge the contributions of others and recognize their role in your success.
* **Practice Gratitude:** Express appreciation for those who provide valuable feedback and support your growth.
* **Pay It Forward:** Offer constructive feedback to others in a supportive and respectful manner, helping them grow and improve.
* **Embrace Feedback as a Gift:** Recognize that feedback is a valuable gift that can help you become the best version of yourself.
**Navigating Criticism and Feedback for High Performance: Insights from Adam Grant**
**Building Strong Relationships Through Disagreeable Giving:**
- Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with "disagreeable givers" - individuals who provide constructive criticism not for personal gain but to help one grow.
- Disagreeable givers offer valuable insights and challenge one's assumptions, leading to improved performance and growth.
- The key is to ensure that criticism is delivered with the intention of helping rather than hurting, and that the recipient is open to receiving and learning from it.
**Effective Feedback Techniques:**
- Use the "19-word technique": Start feedback with a statement like "I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I'm confident that you're going to reach them." This sets a positive tone and shows belief in the recipient's potential.
- Ask for self-assessment before providing feedback: Encourage the recipient to reflect on their own performance and identify areas for improvement. This helps align their perspective with yours and makes them more receptive to your feedback.
- Use open-ended questions to encourage self-reflection: Ask questions like "What went well?" and "What were your notes for yourself?" This promotes a growth mindset and helps the recipient take ownership of their development.
**Creating a Culture of Constructive Disagreement:**
- Foster a culture where disagreement is seen as a positive force for growth and learning.
- Encourage team members to respectfully challenge each other's ideas and assumptions, leading to more innovative and well-rounded solutions.
- Set clear expectations and guidelines for constructive disagreement, ensuring that it remains respectful and focused on the issue at hand.
**Overcoming the Fear of Disagreement:**
- Challenge the notion that disagreement is always negative. View it as an opportunity for growth and learning.
- Recognize that disagreement can lead to better decision-making and outcomes, as it brings diverse perspectives and insights to the table.
- Practice disagreeing respectfully and constructively, focusing on the issue rather than the person, and avoiding personal attacks or defensiveness.
**Balancing Agreeableness and Disagreeableness:**
- Strive for a balance between agreeableness and disagreeableness. Being too agreeable can hinder constructive feedback and growth, while being overly disagreeable can create a hostile environment.
- Aim to be disagreeable when necessary, but always with the intention of helping others improve and grow.
- Remember that the goal is to create a culture of constructive disagreement where everyone feels safe to share their honest thoughts and ideas.
**Additional Insights:**
- Effective teachers are passionate about the material they teach and the students they teach. Getting to know students individually can create a strong connection and make learning more engaging.
- Writing in a way that keeps people engaged involves using relatable examples, storytelling, and asking thought-provoking questions.
- To achieve excellence in any field, it's important to build a strong connection with the audience and surprise them with unexpected insights or perspectives.
**Introduction**
- The episode focuses on dealing with criticism, fueling growth instead of ego, and the importance of having disagreeable givers in one's close circle.
**Key Points**
- **Responding to Criticism:**
- Adam Grant believes that responses to criticism reflect who we are.
- Instead of agreeing to disagree, he prefers to ask for feedback to understand where the conversation went wrong.
- This approach helps identify patterns and allows for course correction in future conversations.
- **Clarity in Relationships:**
- Clear expectations and communication are crucial for successful relationships.
- Asking "Why are you here?" helps clarify the purpose of seeking advice and ensures that the advice is relevant and valuable.
- Providing clarity on the goals of seeking advice helps others understand the context and tailor their responses accordingly.
- **Imposter Syndrome:**
- Adam Grant challenges the idea of imposter syndrome as a chronic debilitating disease.
- He believes that imposter thoughts are common and can motivate individuals to work harder, learn more, and seek feedback from others.
- Rather than viewing it as a syndrome, he suggests using imposter thoughts as fuel for growth and improvement.
- **Non-Negotiable Behaviors:**
- Adam Grant's three non-negotiable behaviors are striving for excellence, being candid with each other, and focusing on collective contribution rather than individual success.
- **Feedback in Interviews:**
- Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of asking guests for feedback after interviews.
- This practice has changed the way Damian and Jake approach their conversations, leading to more valuable insights and a deeper understanding of the guest's perspectives.
- **Setting Expectations:**
- Clear communication and setting expectations are crucial in various aspects of life, including relationships, family dynamics, and everyday interactions.
- By communicating expectations, individuals can avoid disappointment and ensure that others understand their intentions and goals.
- **Negotiation and Conversation:**
- Life is a negotiation and a two-way conversation.
- Setting the parameters of conversations and clarifying expectations helps manage the expectations of both parties and leads to more productive and fulfilling interactions.
- **High-Performance Community:**
- The High-Performance community is built on sharing stories and experiences that inspire and motivate others.
- Jermaine Blackwood, a listener who shared his journey of personal and professional growth, exemplifies the impact of the podcast on its listeners.
- His drive to better himself, despite facing challenges, highlights the importance of perseverance and the desire for continuous improvement.
- **Fault and Responsibility:**
- Jermaine Blackwood emphasizes the concept of fault and responsibility as crucial in his life.
- He believes that while external factors may be beyond one's control, responding to them positively and taking responsibility for personal actions is essential.
- This mindset helps him focus on what he can control and take proactive steps to improve his situation.
- **Key Messages from High Performance:**
- Vicky Patterson's message about self-care and prioritizing personal well-being resonated with Jermaine Blackwood.
- Robin van Persie's message about winners taking responsibility and focusing on what they can control also had a significant impact on him.
- These messages align with Jermaine's belief in personal responsibility and the importance of continuous growth and improvement.
**Conclusion**
- The podcast episode highlights the importance of clear communication, seeking feedback, and fostering a growth mindset.
- It emphasizes the value of having disagreeable givers in one's close circle and the power of a high-performance community in inspiring and motivating individuals to achieve their goals.