E135 - Owen O'Kane: Why self care is vital for high performance

Owen O’Kane is a psychotherapist, former NHS Mental Health Lead and author of the best-selling book, How To Be Your Own Therapist. Owen grew up in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, he struggled to accept his sexuality as a gay man - once even trying to be 'healed' of his homosexuality during a visit to Lourdes. He has had a varied career, from training to be a priest, to working in palliative care - this is reflected in Owen’s open and well-rounded understanding of humanity.

In this powerful episode Jake and Damian open up about their own worries, fears and negative thoughts. Owen takes them through how to tackle the noise in their mind and escape the ‘overthinking trap’. His key message is how important therapy can be and how we should all be trying to make ourselves happier.

- - - - - -

Want more from High Performance? We have launched our brand new premium podcast service 'High Performance Plus' for people who want to support the podcast, listen to ad-free episodes and have access to exclusive bonus content so we can get you even closer to a life of high performance. We'll ask our guests extra questions, just for you and keep recording when the mic stops so you will hear those slightly more intimate conversations at the end of each record. Expect more from Jake and Damian, as they'll be doing regular Q+As and bring you behind the scenes gems that you wouldn't normally get. We hope you love the extra content. Remember, there is no secret. It is all there for you. So chase world class basics. Don't get high on your own supply. Remain humble, curious and empathetic. Sign up on Apple Podcasts apple.co/highperformance or Supercast https://highperformanceplus.supercast.com/

Watch all our episodes on YouTube : https://www.youtube.com/c/HighPerformancePodcast/videos

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/highperformance/

Follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/highperformancepodcast

Join our new Telegram for behind-the-scenes access and exclusive competitions: https://t.me/highperformance_circle

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sure, here is a summary of the podcast episode:

**Title:** How to Be Your Own Therapist: A Conversation with Owen O'Kane

**Summary:**

In this episode of the High Performance Podcast, hosts Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes welcome psychotherapist Owen O'Kane for a powerful and insightful conversation about mental health, therapy, and achieving happiness. Owen, a former NHS Mental Health Lead and author of the bestselling book "How to Be Your Own Therapist," shares his unique perspective on human psychology and offers practical advice for listeners seeking to improve their well-being.

Owen begins by emphasizing the importance of therapy, stating that most people would benefit from it. He believes that therapy is not just about talking but also about learning to understand and manage one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. He highlights the prevalence of negative thinking patterns and the need to reconstruct them to promote a more positive outlook on life.

Owen also addresses the common misconception that happiness is the only desirable emotional state. He explains that all emotions, including negative ones, serve a purpose and provide valuable information about our experiences. He encourages listeners to embrace their emotions, rather than trying to suppress or ignore them.

One of the key themes discussed in the episode is the idea of self-therapy. Owen believes that everyone has the potential to be their own therapist, with the right tools and guidance. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and the ability to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs.

Owen also emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help when needed. He acknowledges that therapy may not be accessible or affordable for everyone, but he encourages listeners to explore alternative resources such as self-help books, online therapy platforms, and support groups.

Throughout the conversation, Owen emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one's own happiness. He encourages listeners to take an active role in their mental well-being by engaging in self-care practices, building strong relationships, and pursuing meaningful goals.

**Key Insights:**

* Therapy is not just about talking; it's about learning to understand and manage one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
* Negative thinking patterns are common and can be reconstructed to promote a more positive outlook on life.
* All emotions, including negative ones, serve a purpose and provide valuable information about our experiences.
* Self-therapy is possible with the right tools and guidance, but professional help should be sought when needed.
* Taking responsibility for one's own happiness is essential for achieving high performance.

**Actionable Tips:**

* Practice self-awareness and self-compassion to better understand and manage your thoughts and emotions.
* Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs by asking yourself if there is evidence to support them.
* Engage in self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature to promote your well-being.
* Build strong relationships with supportive friends and family members.
* Pursue meaningful goals that align with your values and passions.

**Additional Quotes:**

* "If you focus all the time and energy and just go on for the good stuff and the positive stuff, then you lose out all of that other stuff that's trying to help you out." - Owen O'Kane
* "I think it's a good starting point. I think most people will answer no to that. And if you're answering no to that question, then therapy will be a good thing." - Owen O'Kane
* "You crash land into adulthood and most people genuinely don't know how to manage their thoughts, particularly negative critical thinking. Most people don't know how to manage difficult emotions." - Owen O'Kane

I hope this summary is informative and helpful. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

# Podcast Episode Summary and Analysis:

## Episode Overview:

The podcast episode features a captivating conversation between Jake Humphrey, Damian Lewis, and Owen O'Kane, a psychotherapist and author. They delve into the complexities of mental health, the importance of therapy, and the intricate relationship between our minds and bodies.

## Key Themes and Insights:

1. **Embracing Negative Emotions:**

- Owen emphasizes the significance of acknowledging and accepting negative emotions rather than suppressing them.
- Negative emotions are a natural part of human experience and can serve as valuable signals for self-reflection and growth.
- Instead of pushing away these emotions, individuals should aim to understand and learn from them.

2. **The Power of Therapy:**

- Therapy is highlighted as a crucial tool for addressing mental health challenges and promoting personal growth.
- It provides a safe space for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a trained professional.
- Therapy can help individuals develop coping mechanisms, resolve past traumas, and improve their overall well-being.

3. **Quieting the Internal Noise:**

- Owen introduces the concept of "soothing systems" as a means to manage the constant chatter in our minds.
- He suggests techniques such as self-compassion, mindfulness, and perspective-taking to quieten negative thoughts and emotions.
- By learning to regulate their internal dialogue, individuals can gain greater control over their mental state.

4. **The Importance of Self-Compassion:**

- Owen emphasizes the importance of treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly during challenging times.
- Self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone experiences difficulties and setbacks, and that it's okay to feel vulnerable or imperfect.
- Practicing self-compassion can help individuals cope with negative emotions and foster a more positive self-image.

5. **The Mind-Body Connection:**

- Owen highlights the strong link between mental and physical health, emphasizing that they are inseparable.
- Emotional distress and psychological issues can manifest as physical symptoms, such as fatigue, headaches, and digestive problems.
- Conversely, taking care of one's physical health, such as through exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep, can positively impact mental well-being.

6. **Healing Internal Wounds:**

- Owen discusses the concept of internal wounds, which are emotional injuries from past experiences that continue to affect an individual's present life.
- These wounds can stem from childhood experiences, traumatic events, or ongoing stressors.
- Therapy can help individuals identify and heal these internal wounds, leading to greater emotional resilience and overall well-being.

7. **The Role of Parents in Mental Health:**

- Owen addresses the role of parents in supporting their children's mental health, emphasizing the importance of being responsive, supportive, and validating.
- Parents should aim to create a safe and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions and seeking help when needed.
- While it's important to address and process difficult experiences, parents should also focus on building their children's resilience and coping skills.

## Conclusion:

The podcast episode offers valuable insights into the complexities of mental health and the importance of seeking professional help when needed. It highlights the power of therapy in addressing emotional challenges, promoting personal growth, and fostering overall well-being. The discussion also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, the mind-body connection, and the role of parents in supporting their children's mental health.

# **Summary: High Performance Podcast Episode Transcript with Owen O'Kane**

---

## **Episode Overview:**

In this powerful episode, Jake and Damian open up about their own worries, fears, and negative thoughts. Owen takes them through how to tackle the noise in their mind and escape the 'overthinking trap'. His key message is how important therapy can be and how we should all be trying to make ourselves happier.

---

## **Key Points:**

* **The Connection Between Body and Emotion:**
* Emotions and physical sensations are deeply intertwined.
* To address emotional issues, it's often helpful to start with the physical body.
* By focusing on bodily sensations, emotions can be accessed and processed.

* **The Importance of Perspective:**
* Life's challenges can be viewed as opportunities for growth and learning.
* Embracing the present moment and letting go of the past can lead to greater happiness.
* Keeping a sense of perspective helps maintain well-being and happiness.

* **The Power of Self-Talk:**
* The way we talk to ourselves has a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being.
* Negative self-talk can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
* Cultivating a positive inner dialogue can boost confidence, resilience, and overall happiness.

* **The Value of Non-Negotiables:**
* Identifying and adhering to non-negotiables can provide a sense of structure and purpose.
* Examples of non-negotiables include prioritizing self-care, maintaining healthy relationships, and pursuing meaningful goals.
* Non-negotiables help individuals stay grounded and focused on what matters most.

* **The Importance of Legacy:**
* Legacy is about the impact one makes on the world and the lives of others.
* It's not about achievements or possessions, but about the positive contributions one makes.
* Considering one's legacy can inspire meaningful action and a sense of purpose.

* **Advice for Teenagers:**
* Social media can create unrealistic expectations and lead to negative self-comparison.
* Teenagers should be encouraged to embrace their individuality and not compare themselves to others.
* It's important to remind teenagers that they are enough just as they are.

* **The Benefits of Therapy:**
* Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address emotional challenges.
* It can help individuals develop coping mechanisms, build resilience, and improve their overall well-being.
* Therapy can be a valuable tool for personal growth and development.

* **The Golden Rule for High-Performance:**
* Instead of seeking external validation, focus on finding internal stability and purpose.
* Trust in the process and let go of the need to control every outcome.
* The more one tries to fabricate and control, the further they may stray from what's truly right for them.

---

## **Conclusion:**

The conversation with Owen O'Kane emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, positive self-talk, and seeking support when needed. It highlights the transformative power of therapy and encourages individuals to prioritize their well-being and happiness. The episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for achieving a high-performance mindset and living a more fulfilling life.

# Podcast Episode Summary: Overcoming Negative Thoughts and Achieving Happiness with Owen O'Kane

**Introduction**

- Owen O'Kane, a psychotherapist, former NHS Mental Health Lead, and author, joins Jake and Damian for a powerful discussion on mental health and well-being.
- Owen shares his personal journey of struggling with his sexuality and seeking healing, leading to a profound understanding of human experiences.

**Key Points**

1. **Addressing Negative Thoughts:**
- Owen emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and confronting negative thoughts rather than suppressing them.
- He suggests using a technique called "shadow work" to explore and integrate repressed emotions and thoughts.

2. **Escaping the Overthinking Trap:**
- Owen explains that overthinking often stems from a desire for control and certainty, which can lead to anxiety and unhappiness.
- He encourages listeners to practice mindfulness and meditation to quiet their minds and focus on the present moment.

3. **The Value of Therapy:**
- Owen highlights the significance of therapy in helping individuals understand their emotions, behaviors, and patterns.
- He believes that therapy can provide a safe space for self-exploration and healing, ultimately leading to personal growth and happiness.

4. **Pursuing Happiness:**
- Owen emphasizes that happiness is a choice and a skill that can be cultivated through conscious effort.
- He recommends engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing gratitude, and surrounding oneself with positive and supportive people.

**Conclusion**

- Owen's message centers around the importance of seeking professional support, practicing self-care, and actively pursuing happiness.
- He encourages listeners to embrace their emotions, challenge negative thoughts, and strive for personal growth and well-being.